The More you Know...

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged~ Deuteronomy 31:8

There is very little in this world I love more than the feeling I have the inside track on a topic or situation. One of my favorite personal axioms pretty much sums up my approach to knowledge and information:

The more you know… the more you know.

My passion for the inside track has led me to become a serious news junkie. I watch news networks compulsively and I have three news sites bookmarked on my computer. I read a news magazine before bed most nights and I am one of the few people left in America who still reads newspapers.

 Everyone in our family has been affected in some way by my love of news. The three older children watched so many news programs growing up that they could identify Dan Rather at roughly the same age they began recognizing characters from Sesame Street. I love election season the way some people love football season and my husband and kids have learned better than to try and make conversation with me during even a local election.   

My love of news and information is mostly a good thing. I can honestly say that I know at least a little about most issues. Staying up-to-date on world events has helped me understand that problems are frequently complex and solutions are seldom simple. I am very aware that every issue has two viewpoints and I can typically articulate both sides of most issues. Conversation is seldom a problem at dinner parties and very few world events take me by surprise.

 All the good stuff aside, having an information fixation definitely has a dark side. Knowledge may be power, but the writer of Ecclesiastes accurately observed that knowledge also brings grief and understanding is often accompanied by sorrow (Ecclesiastes 1:18). Grief and sorrow are a natural and even healthy reaction when one sees widespread outbreaks of…

Bad leadership

Addiction

Moral apathy

Senseless violence

Racial division

Corruption  

The natural response to bad news is to hide from it. To hunker down in our cozy little fortresses and imagine that our own little corner of the world is all there is. It doesn’t fix anything, but it beats wringing our hands and worrying ourselves sick about problems we cannot control.

Evading the problems in our society may feel right, but I am convinced it’s the wrong way to go. God did not create people to be ostriches. Hiding our heads in the sand when we come across a problem or situation that makes us feel uncomfortable or powerless is not a healthy reaction.  God intended his people to be instruments of transformation and reconciliation in the broken and hurting world we have been called to live in.

Becoming an instrument of change often feels like an impossible task. Most of us have a limited sphere of influence and will never have the opportunity to walk in halls of power.  Maximizing the influence we do have begins with remembering that God is still in control and he still has a plan for this world. Psalm 11:3-4 says,

When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?

The Lord is in his holy temple; the Lord is on his heavenly throne. 
He observes everyone on earth; his eyes examine them~ Psalm 11:3-4

The foundations of the civilized world are being destroyed. One does not have to go far to see the effects of bad leadership, irrational government policy, and irresponsible personal choices. Psalm 11 is a powerful call to remember that nothing on this planet escapes God’s notice and that if we are still here, we have a purpose in this world.

 Finding our role in facilitating change begins with prayer. When prayer precedes action it is always more effective. Prayer is a good beginning but it is not enough. James 2:20 is a piercing reminder that faith without action is not really faith at all. I wonder what would change in our world if every Christian would commit to:

 Leading well

Volunteering in their community and church

 Befriend the hurting

Become informed and vote in the next election

Small acts of kindness every day

Honesty

Teaching a class at church

In those moments when I am tempted to despondency by the condition of our world, I have to remind myself that those feelings of grief and sadness are really evidence of God’s existence. We long for a better world because we were made for better things. Our spirits know instinctively that what we see is not what was intended. 

When that longing for a better world rises inside us, we need to know that those feelings are the calling to be the change we want to see. 

The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore~ Psalm 121:7-8

   

   

  

      

Four Keys to Making Your Marriage a Success

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate~ Mark 10:7-9

I love weddings, and it’s not just because I’m a female, a hopeless romantic, or a big fan of cake. I’m not. Well, actually two of those statements are demonstrably true. I am female and my love of cake is practically legendary, but I’m a bit too practical to be considered anything even remotely close to a hopeless romantic. It’s not the romance that gets me at weddings; it’s the atmosphere.

Weddings are some of the happiest, most hopeful events on earth. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a modest little celebration or a grand affair. The air at a wedding radiates a joyful sense of optimism and anticipation. Everyone in attendance is there to celebrate their faith in the bright and happy future of the bride and groom. It’s impossible to be unhappy in that sort of atmosphere.  

Last weekend my husband and I attended an exceptionally joyful wedding celebration. The bride and groom have known each other since junior high school and conducted their relationship with integrity. Both of their families have done a fantastic job of passing on a rich heritage of faith and stability to their children and grandchildren. The evening was a sweet celebration of past legacy, present relationship and future hope.

On our way home Alan and I reminisced about our own wedding and some of the weddings we have attended through the years. We’ve been to a lot of weddings in the last twenty-five years. A good number of those marriages have had happy endings. But some that looked like they should have worked didn’t, and some that appeared doomed from the outset have been highly successful and very happy.

Alan and I were one of those couples with a sketchy start that has defied the odds. Ours was not an auspicious beginning. We were both young and kind of stupid when it came to relationships. I was a new believer from an un-churched family with some serious substance abuse problems. Alan came from a more stable family but had recently come out of a very messy lifestyle and had only very recently recommitted his life the Lord. To top it off we were flat broke, had no assets between us and were woefully unprepared for life in the real world.  

Recalling our shaky start got me thinking about why some couples last and others don’t. Most would agree that compatibility is important to a lasting marriage. Financial security can certainly make things easier. Shared interests, common values and similar backgrounds are all important, and yet there are many who begin their marriages with all those benefits and still don’t make it.

I have concluded that there are four simple and yet often overlooked components necessary to make a marriage work long-term. The first is…

Kindness~ Ephesians 4:32

The best advice my husband and I were ever given regarding marriage was so candid that it was easy to miss the profound wisdom. An older couple told us in the receiving line after our wedding to “just be nice to each other.” She then added: “Everything always works out fine if you are nice to each other.” It’s true. If you commit to speaking kindly to each other and giving your spouse the same level of respect you give your closest friends and coworkers, everything really will work out fine.

Physical Connection~ 1^st Corinthians 7:3-4

Yes, I mean exactly what you think I mean. IT is incredibly important to maintaining a lasting bond. If you want to stay married and happy, don’t neglect the physical.

Compromise~ Ephesians 5:21

Compromise is all about concession, cooperation, negotiating and finding the middle ground. These are not always easy concepts to wrap our minds around in our “it’s all about me” culture. Healthy compromise is about figuring out what is best for the relationship itself, not just the individuals involved. In happy marriages nobody gets what they want all the time; everybody gets what they want sometimes, and no one ever keeps score.

Character~ Romans 5:3-4

Character is an almost indefinable quality of a person’s nature that produces an inclination to do and endure tough stuff. Character may be difficult to define but it’s easy to see. When character is missing in one or members of a relationship, it becomes painfully obvious very quickly. People with character humbly work through problems; people without it bail out at the first sign of suffering or discord. Men and women with character are able to set aside temporary feelings of unhappiness because they see and understand the bigger picture of legacy and relationship. The good news regarding character is that it can be developed. Doing the hard thing when it sucks and sticking with relationships when we don’t feel like it is painful, but it develops character.

 Anyone who has actually been married knows that marriages are very different from weddings. Weddings focus on the celebration of love and the melding of two families into one. Marriages only work when you put all that love you feel on the wedding day into action and apply grace to real life situations.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres~ 1^st Corinthians 13:4-7

  

When a Good Deed Goes Bad...

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness~ 2^nd Corinthians 12:9

I recently met with an old friend for a cup of coffee and some conversation. The small talk and friendly banter rapidly evolved into something deeper and much more serious. As her tale of woe unfolded I quickly realized that my friend had become the victim of a good deed that had gone terribly bad.

The good deed was born from the very best of intentions. A friend of my friend found herself in a tough spot and desperately needed some assistance. My friend opened her heart and gladly disrupted her own life and the life of her family to support and help her friend. The effort paid off: the friend eventually got things straightened out and moved on.

 Time passed and all appeared to be fine, until a conversation with a mutual acquaintance revealed that her “friend” was saying some unkind things about my friend and the motivations of her heart.

By the time we ordered our second cup of coffee it was clear that my friend was deeply wounded and battling bitterness, and for good reason. In a gracious attempt to be helpful and kind she had gone to a great deal of trouble and effort. In return she had become the victim of misinterpreted motives and harsh gossip.

Sadly, most of us have found ourselves in the same spot at one time or another. Someone we went out of our way to help misjudged our motives and we became….

The victim of cruel gossip

Misunderstood

Mistreated

 Attempting to repair a tarnished reputation  

Judged unfairly

Persecuted by people who should have known better

As I listened to my friend unburden herself, I began to understand just how damaging the hurt we experience in a good-deed-gone-bad situation can be.

 When we become the casualty of a good deed gone bad, offense and hurt inevitably crop up and can easily sprout into bitter roots. If we aren’t careful, those roots will take hold of our hearts and poison our outlook on the entire human race.

When our opinion of people is poisoned, we can be tempted to shut down emotionally and spiritually. We may avoid people and good deeds altogether. Our relationship with God becomes strained as we gradually lose our desire and capacity to refresh and bless others.     

Freeing ourselves from bitterness is not easy. It requires two things: self-examination and forgiveness. Self-examination is necessary in order to gain wisdom and prevent the reoccurrence of similar problems in the future.

Self-examination requires us to take a hard look at the situation and assess our part in things. We should ask ourselves two questions anytime we find ourselves in a good-deed-gone-bad situation…

1.    Was I truly being obedient to a call from God, or was I just trying to be the hero?

2.    Was there anything I could have done differently to change the outcome?

If “yes” is the honest answer either question, the solution is simple: ask for forgiveness and commit to doing things differently next time. Don’t withdraw, don’t beat yourself up, don’t stop helping, don’t blame. Learn from the mistake and move on. If the answer to both questions is no, then forgiveness becomes even more crucial.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event. It is a process. It’s often a long and painful process that requires taking our feelings of anger, hurt and disappointment to God over and over again. This must continue until the negative feelings are replaced with perspective and wisdom. Forgiveness is not about forgetting, nor is it always about reconciliation, but it is about letting go of any emotion that threatens to transform into a bitter root.

I have come to understand that at the core of any good-deed-gone-bad scenario is a choice. We can choose to become bitter and cynical and use our hurt as a shield to shut people out, or we can choose to use it as an opportunity to grow in our understanding of grace and forgiveness and be shaped into the image of Jesus.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word~ 2^nd Thessalonians 2:16-17  

Oh, the Places We Don't Want to Go

Was it not you who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made a road in the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over? Isaiah 59:10 NIV

This last week I had an experience that was pleasant and rather thought provoking. My husband and I packed up the kids and visited a city we lived in nearly two decades ago.

We spent two glorious days relishing the cooler mountain temperatures and behaving like tourists. We explored some fantastic art galleries, bought some cute stuff, enjoyed a blues festival and indulged in some of the best Mexican food we’ve eaten in years.

The trip eventually morphed into a journey down memory lane. We drove past the Church we attended while we lived there, ate in some restaurants we used to enjoy, and drove the kids past the tiny house in the horrible neighborhood we lived in back in the day. The sights, sounds and smells of our old city brought back a lot of memories.

Silver City, New Mexico was not a place I wanted to go when we went there twenty years ago. It was a place I knew we needed to go, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

Prior to our move I was pretty content with my life. We lived in an area I loved, went to a Church I was happy in and had lots of really great friends who were very much like me in every way. Life felt safe and comfortable and I liked feeling safe and comfortable.

All that aside, our situation was less than perfect. The kids were small, our marriage was relatively young and my husband was in a dead-end job. And we were broke.  We were too-much-month-at-the-end-of-the-money and searching-the-sofa-cushions-for-change-the-day-before-payday broke. Our financial situation colored every other aspect of our lives.

Opportunities were essentially nonexistent in the town we lived in. So when a job opened up in a little town in New Mexico we knew in our hearts it was the stepping-stone to the bigger and better things that we had been praying for.

I would love to tell you that I joyfully leapt at the opportunity that God graciously provided and embraced the experience with an open heart and splendid attitude. I won’t tell you that because I refuse to lie.

 I whined and grumbled like an overindulged six-year-old. I focused entirely on the negative and took complaining to heights that would have shamed the Israelites wandering in the desert. Eventually, I did come to accept the changes, but sadly I failed to really embrace or welcome the experience.

It wasn’t until many years later that I finally understood how deeply I was impacted by those years. Silver City was a delightfully diverse little town. For the first time in my life I was exposed to all kinds of different people from all kinds of different races and backgrounds. We joined a wonderful Church with a Pastor who was not afraid to explore tough issues or confront wrong thinking.

The believers we met in that little community of faith forever changed my understanding of what it means to be a Christ follower. Their commitment and passion was something I had never really witnessed before. They challenged me in a million different ways to think about life and God and faith in ways that I had never considered before.

 Growth and change is nearly always awkward and uncomfortable, and those years were frequently both. Two decades after the fact I can clearly see that I came away from that brief period in my life a richer person with a deeper faith and better understanding of how the world works. I sometimes wonder what I would have gained if I had embraced the changes fully and sought to grow through the challenges rather than simply endure them.

 As I mulled this over I was reminded of other places I’ve gone that I did not wish to go. It’s all too infrequent for me to voluntarily go to the places that are painful or where I am required to confront the foolishness of my own choices. I sometimes avoid going to a place where I can forgive my enemies. After all these years I still resist going to the places where I have been asked to take on a task or an obligation that feels hard or unpleasant.  

God reminded me this past week that change seldom occurs in the comfortable, easy places. It’s the difficult, painful and uncomfortable places that bring the greatest prospects for spiritual growth and the development of maturity and wisdom. I will try to remember this the next time I find myself in a place that feels safe and comfortable.

  

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance~ Psalm 16:6 NIV