Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord~
Psalm 34:11
Last week, while waiting to go through
security at the Phoenix airport, I witnessed something weird. It’s probably not
what you think.
My attention was drawn to the neighboring
security line when I heard a woman’s voice repeating softly and sweetly—and
then more loudly and frantically—“No, thank you,” “No, thank you.”
I’m not generally all that curious early
in the morning, but this captured my interest. I scanned the adjacent line and
tried to figure out what was making her repeat “No, thank you” so hysterically.
Then I noticed a cute little boy, maybe
three years old, running gleefully down the security line, ramming his head
into the back of random passengers’ legs. The lucky ones saw him coming and
dodged his attack. The rest had bruises to attend when he was through with them.
The boy’s Mother stood helplessly by as
her adorable little thug assaulted clueless bystanders. I was baffled as to why
an apparently intelligent woman would stand by and say no thank you to a child
who was attacking strangers. Seizing the child, restraining him and
reprimanding his rudeness seemed to me a more sensible and effective solution
to his terrorist-like tactics.
Then I recalled a child development class my
daughter took in high school. The instructor (a very nice woman with a Masters
degree) taught the students that it’s damaging to tell young children “no.” Instead,
they should be told “no thank you” in order to preserve their fragile
self-worth. When my daughter told me
about her teacher’s theory I rolled my eyes and casually dismissed it as a
passing fad accepted only in the world of academia.
Apparently this ridiculous fad has caught
on in the real world. I found several websites dedicated to “positive
parenting” that encouraged the use of this technique with young children. A
Christian friend with young children confirmed that many parents—even some
Christian parents—embrace this parenting trend.
I don’t pretend to know everything there
is to know about parenting. I do know enough to tell you that some of the ideas
being floated around by experts are just plain crazy. Today I will highlight three
crazy trends every Christian parent should run away from…
Experts Know Best Parenting~
The abundance of experts who hold advanced
degrees in phycology, theology, education and medicine has caused some parents
to doubt their own ability make sound decisions. This has resulted in many
parents outsourcing instruction and parenting decisions to teachers, pastors,
doctors and psychologists. Expert advice can be helpful, but at the end of the
day experts are people. People make mistakes, are sometimes misguided or just
plain wrong, and don’t always know what’s best for every child in every
situation. Wise and discerning parents seek an abundance of human counsel
(Proverbs 11:14) and prayerfully consider all the options before they (not the
experts) make decisions that might have long-term physical, academic, moral, or
spiritual consequences for their child.
Teacup Parenting~
Teacup parents believe that children are fragile
and need to be protected from the losses and disappointments that are a natural
part of life. Children do need to be protected from harmful people and
philosophies, but not from the reality that life is sometimes hard. We need to
help children understand that no one will be successful at everything they
attempt. In order to become healthy, functional adults kids need to learn that
sometimes they will get hurt, lose or fail. We need to let life teach kids that
getting hurt rarely kills them, and losing or failing doesn’t make them unlovable
and it doesn’t have to define them.
Positive Parenting~
Positive parenting sounds great. After all,
who wants to be a negative, nasty parent? Proponents of this philosophy teach
that discipline is destructive and that children should be affirmed in every
situation. This sort of thinking is well intentioned but dangerously misguided.
This viewpoint flies in the face of biblical instruction (Proverbs 6:23,12:1,
12:24,22:6, 22:15, Ephesians 6:4, Hebrews 12:5-10, Hebrews 12:11) and if
followed is destined to produce foolish adults and heartbroken parents
(Proverbs 17:5). Kids need firm boundaries and loving correction; affirmation
should be reserved for times when their behavior is worthy of it.
Good parenting is not just about making kids
comfortable, happy or popular with other children, and it is certainly not
about having your kids like you right now. Good parenting is about making kids capable,
responsible, well mannered, godly and likeable to other people.
The
greatest tragedy of the scene I witnessed in the airport was that none of the
adults in the airport liked the cute little guy involved. It’s not the child’s
fault; he was too young to know better. It’s not the fault of the adults in the
airport; no one should expect to be assaulted while traveling. The fault lies
entirely with his Mother for not making him behave in a way that makes him
likeable to other people.
Parents get it all wrong when they take a
short view of the parenting process and forget that their cute little kids will
not stay little forever. Kids become adults, and what kind of adult they grow
into is almost entirely dependent on what type of training they receive when
they are small.
Every
parenting philosophy or choice should be evaluated not on the basis of ease, or
whether or not it makes kids happy now, but on whether or not it makes them
holy, responsible, well-mannered and likable people when it really matters.
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your
children, or they will become discouraged~ Colossians 3:20-21
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