Conquering What-if

There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off~ Proverbs 23:18 NIV

It happens to us all. We find ourselves wide-awake at some unholy hour of the night or seized by a sudden panic in the middle of an otherwise great day. Our minds go wild and we are unable to stop agonizing over strange and often-improbable issues. The details of fear-fests vary from person-to-person and situation-to situation but at the center of all of them is one culprit: what-if. The following list is a peek into some of my own (clearly neurotic) what-ifs (please don’t judge).

What-if…

I die before our kids grow-up?

Someone breaks into the house while we’re sleeping?

My boss/best friend/husband suddenly decides he/she hates me?

My identity is stolen?

I forgot to pay the Visa bill?

I ruin my life with bad choices that SEEM like good choices at the time?

My kids grow-up to be bad people?

I’m disabled or disfigured in a horrible accident? 

A snake crawls in the house? (We live in Arizona, it happens)

What-ifs are not always harmless. The anxieties triggered by what-ifs can cause us to lose focus and miss out on the truly beautiful moments in life. What-ifs rob us of peace and distract us from our purpose. The fear and insecurity that what-ifs generate can lure us into attempting to do things our own way, rather than God’s way.

 Our way inevitably tempts us to lean on worldly wisdom, as with Sarah in Genesis chapter 16. Sarah’s anxiety over her inability to produce an heir led her to demand that her slave Hagar become a surrogate in order to produce an heir for Abraham. The whole sordid affair was an ugly, tragic disaster from the beginning. And sadly, our world is still reeling from the fallout of that one little piece of worldly wisdom thousands of years after the fact. 

What-ifs are not always as entirely evil or illogical as they sometimes seem. If they are managed correctly some what-ifs serve a valuable purpose. What-ifs remind us to control the things we can and should be controlling. The book of Proverbs wisely reminds God’s people that…

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty~ Proverbs 22:3

Exercising dominion over the daily issues that we should control like locking our doors, maintaining healthy relationships, wise money management, teaching our kids right from wrong, using seatbelts, and shredding junk mail help to prevent future trouble and heartache. Attentiveness in these areas gives us less to worry about in general, and goes a long way in keeping the nighttime fear-fests at bay.

Once we get a handle on the issues we do have a measure of control over, things get a little trickier from a spiritual perspective. Then we have to deal with the issue at the heart of what keeps us up at night: fear. Fear of the future, fear of losing control, fear of the unfamiliar, and—most of all—fear of not having our life and the lives of those we love work out the way we think it ought to.

Disease, job loss, death, fender benders, other folks’ choices, the economy, and rattle snakes in the yard all remind us on a regular basis that control is an illusion in our world. Trusting God when it feels as if we are walking alone through a dark place is easier said than done, but necessary if we wish to grow spiritually and keep our sanity intact.

Trust begins with the fervent conviction that God meant what He said in Romans 8:28:

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Only an idiot would say that all things in this world are good. Sin has left its mark on every aspect of creation. Even the redeemed feel the sting of its effects.  But that does not mean that God is not or good or that He is asleep at the wheel or winging it when things look bleak. We vanquish the fear that what-ifs produce by reminding ourselves that God is good even in the tough times and He is busy working out things to our advantage.

     

Three Truths That Have Gotten Twisted

So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have~ 2^nd Peter 1:12

This morning I thoughtlessly picked up the phone without checking the caller ID. My folly resulted in a long conversation with a telemarketer who was selling solar panels. The passionate young lady on the other end of the phone assured me that if I were willing to make a (crazy huge) investment today I was guaranteed to get my money back, with interest, in no time at all.

All it took was a few pointed questions and some quick arithmetic to establish that the math simply did not add up. In reality it would take at least two decades for the “investment” to pay off. I politely declined her offer, disengaged from the conversation and made a solemn vow before God to never pick up the phone again without first checking the caller ID.

Telemarketers are not the only ones who mislead with questionable claims and half-truths. In the interest of keeping things honest and real I am going to discuss three teachings that have been taken out of context, are frequently misapplied, or are simply being lived out the wrong way more often than not.

 From Matthew 7:1—Do not judge or you too will be judged~ NIV

This verse has been stripped of its context and twisted into a firm warning about making judgment calls concerning the ethical appropriateness of other folk’s life choices. A cursory look at the immediate context supports the notion that Jesus never intended his teaching on judgment to be used as a weapon against those who use the Bible as a guideline for acceptable moral conduct.

Later in the same passage, Jesus assumes His followers will make occasional moral judgments concerning the behavior of others. Matthew 7:1 is meant to remind us that God alone discerns the inner workings of each individual human heart. Because of His unique perspective, God alone is worthy and able to make the final call on who ultimately deserves heaven or hell, judgment or mercy.  

Luke 12:34, says: For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

For generations Christians have rightly understood this verse to mean that our passion for an issue or person is often in direct correlation to how much money we have invested in the situation or person. Most Christians do care for others and are generally eager to help in emergencies, so we write checks because we have been taught that every crisis and problem can be solved with a generous donation. The result is that our spiritual instincts have been dulled and we give blindly without thinking or praying. We forget that without God’s involvement and blessing, our efforts will be fruitless.  

There is nothing wrong with having a big heart. The instinct to give is noble, but money is not a panacea and will not solve every human need. If money is not given wisely and disbursed thoughtfully it can actually compound human need and create more problems than it solves. Jesus never intended money to become a substitute for prayer and human connection. Some of the most pressing problems in our world today (militant Islam, racism, poverty, Christian persecution, escalating immorality) are spiritual in nature and will only be solved through prayer, fasting and carefully planned action.

I have come to think that many of the problems Christians struggle with today have been born out of a wrong understanding of our relationship to God. In Exodus 3:14 God tells Moses He is I AM. The moniker was meant to be more than a means of identifying Himself; it was a profound theological proclamation.

 I AM communicates deep truth about the significance and completeness of God as a being and the place He is to occupy in our lives. He is the center of all things whether we recognize it or not, and most of the time we don’t. We have distorted I AM into WE ARE and tend to live as we are the center of all things and God is simply our benevolent helper when we feel we need one.

Nothing is going to change in this world until we get back to a God-and-others approach to life and ministry. Only when we realize that ministry is about glorifying God and helping others—and that everything we do must point to Him—can we truly make a difference.

The True Value of A Woman

Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands~ Psalm 112:1

Last weekend we spent the day preparing for out-of-town company. Our preparations consisted of frantically cleaning everything we never clean so we can trick people we rarely see into thinking we are much cleaner people than we actually are. It was a big job, and by dinnertime we were all exhausted and hungry. So my husband and I loaded the family up in the car and took them to dinner at a buffet.

 After a short wait we were seated next to a family with three children who all appeared to be under the age of six. I confess that was I less than excited to be seated next a family with little kids. After a long, hard day I wanted a little peace and quiet.

 My fears were baseless. The kids were adorable, polite and a delight to be around. But it was Mom who captured my attention. She was amazing. She serenely held the two-year-old on her lap, talking to him calmly about table manners and encouraging him to try new foods while still managing to keep an eye on the baby girl and calmly direct the older boy. 

Watching that remarkable young woman do what she no doubt does every day of the week, reminded me that Mothers are truly the unsung heroes of human history.

If it were not for the sacrificial contributions of women throughout history, we would have no great civilizations, no novels would have been written, no masterpieces crafted and no righteous causes fought for. Precious few would have been inspired to attempt such things without a wise and loving Mother laying the right foundation and urging their children forward.

 The influence of a Mother is perhaps the most powerful force on earth. We have all been shaped for good or ill by the impact of our Mothers. Perhaps the most striking testimony of a Mother’s impact is how significantly we feel the loss when our mother is gone.  For those of us who are fortunate enough to be mothers, we too have been shaped by the experience. Mothering is a powerful act that forever changes all involved.

Christians universally agree that nurturing children is crucial. In recent years, Pastors have gone to great lengths to emphasize and celebrate the importance of Motherhood. This is a good thing. In a society that has devalued the act of mothering it is vitally important that Christian leaders encourage women as they nurture and train up the next generation.

For women who are not Mothers, the second Sunday of May can be a painful one. In our eagerness to promote the importance of mothering, we can inadvertently send the message that Mothering is the only truly significant thing a woman can do. The message is a dangerous one that hurts all women, especially those without children and older women. Many feel their value is diminished once their children are grown and gone.

 As valuable as motherhood is, it is essential to remember that there is so much more to who we are as women than whom we parent.  On this day that we rightfully set aside to celebrate the countless contributions Mothers make in this world, I want to remind women that motherhood is not the end of our journey towards biblical womanhood. It is simply a step that many of us take in the journey.

God has called Christian women to be…

Pursuers of wisdom and knowledge~ Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 2:6

Bold and courageous~ 1^st Chronicles 28:20

Competent to teach and pass on wisdom~ Proverbs 31:26, Titus 2:3-5

Loving wives~ 1^st Peter 3:1-8

Mentors~ Titus 2:3-5

Busy building up the Body of Christ~ Ephesians 4:11-13

Constantly striving for betterment of others~ Proverbs 31: 8-9, Proverbs 31:20

A woman’s ultimate power is found in her ability to influence. The quality of a woman’s influence will largely depend on the quality of her relationship with God. A woman who is seeking to be and do all that she has been called to be and do, regardless of the stage of life she finds herself, will become a powerful force for good in this world and a blessing to those whose life she touches.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised~ Proverbs 31:30

The Real Have Not's

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them~ Deuteronomy 4:9

All hell broke loose in the Charm City this past week.

Madness and pandemonium erupted after the funeral of twenty-five year old Freddie Gray.  Gray died of unexplained injuries sustained while in police custody. The particulars of this case are unsettling and raise serious questions about police practices and potential brutality.

From a social and spiritual perspective the reaction to Gray’s death is every bit as troubling as the case itself.  It appeared that the entire city collectively lost its mind: buildings were burned to the ground, businesses plundered, onlookers attacked for any and no reason. Twenty police officers were injured, six of them seriously.

These events have had the chattering class chattering around-the-clock. Reporters and pundits have debated the details of the case nearly to death and have theorized endlessly on why the people of Baltimore would react with such tremendous violence. Poverty has been identified as the principal cause for the behavior of the rioters.

Journalists and social commentators have repeatedly referred to residents of West Baltimore as “have-nots.” Some of these same commentators have used poverty not only as an excuse for bad behavior but as a justification. I do not dispute the fact that many, if not most, residents of West Baltimore are poor and in many respects disadvantaged. That fact is plain and indisputable. I do take issue with the notion that poverty automatically puts people in the category of “have-nots” and that poverty is a viable justification for violence, anarchy and hate. 

The poor have been a part of human society since the dawn of human society. Jesus himself promised that poor people would continue to be a part of human society as along as human society endures (Matthew 26:11). There is nothing fundamentally wrong with being poor, just as there is nothing immoral about being rich. It is how one reacts to the conditions they were born into that determines how that individual turns out.

Much of how an individual responds to their circumstances depends not on the size of their bank account, but rather on what their parents sowed into them when they were young. Parenting—not tax bracket—is the real dividing line between the haves and the have-nots.

There is a ridiculous myth that has taken root in Western thought. The crux of the myth says that in order to produce a civilized, respectable, God-fearing and useful human being; one is required to have two good incomes, money in the bank, a four-bedroom house in a highly rated school district and a college degree. Nothing could be further from the truth. Things may be helpful, but ultimately things are just things. Things do not produce god-fearing, decent human beings; good parents do.

Good parents work hard, at menial jobs if necessary, to support their children financially. Good parents model honesty and virtue don’t cheat the social welfare system. Good parents get married before bearing children and do what it takes to stay happily married afterward.

 Good parents introduce the concepts of discipline and self-control early in life understanding that discipline and limits help ensure that children will become law-abiding citizens later. Good parents teach the truth that right and wrong are fixed standards rather than squishy opinions that adjust to the times and setting.

Good parents value education enough to insist that children stay in school, pay attention to their teachers and do the homework. Good parents demand that that kids respect authority and discipline kids who are disrespectful towards teachers, police and other authority figures.  Good parents teach their kids that human beings are obligated by God and human law to do right even when life is hard and circumstances are trying. 

Just as poverty is not an excuse for bad parenting, poor upbringing is not an excuse for bad behavior. People are only savage, soulless animals ruled by circumstances if they wish to be. We are moral beings capable of making moral choices regardless of resources or upbringing. The events of this past week support the notion that we need a rebirth in this country. A rebirth of good parenting, personal responsibility, common sense, and fear of God. When one has those things, they have everything no matter their tax bracket.