Excuses, Excuses...

But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said,  “I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me”~ Luke 14:18 NIV

Recently, I was doing research for a class and I came across some information that is both validation of the untiring resourcefulness of the human spirit— and sad evidence of the rapid decay of Western civilization.

 In the course of my research I stumbled upon some websites dedicated entirely to the art of excuse making. The websites offer interested parties a list of viable excuses to use in any number of different scenarios. The better ones even offer guidance to their users concerning the potential pitfalls of using a specific excuse.  

For instance: the excuse you’ve had a death in your family is guaranteed to relieve you from employment obligations for at least a week. However, if you intend on playing the death card you need to be aware that death is a fairly easy event to verify. The site prudently counsels the user to keep in mind that most employers consider fabricating the demise of a loved one to be something akin to the unpardonable sin.

I found these sites to be both fascinating and disquieting. I was intrigued with their straightforward counsel and the apparent absence of shame on the part of the users. I was appalled by the existence of these services. They go a long way in validating the notion that we have become a culture of conscienceless slackers.

It all got started sometime around the middle of the last century when society began the practice of renaming behaviors and the culture of excuse making was born. In 1956 the medical community dubbed alcoholism a disease; prior to the rechristening it was believed to be a sinful character defect. Today if you attempt to argue that alcoholism is a disease folks acquire by their own choosing you WILL be branded an ignorant hater.

Out of control offspring are no longer badly behaved or poorly disciplined. The poor children are all casualties of attention deficit disorder or oppositional defiant disorder. People who refuse to work are no longer lazy or shiftless; they are “undereducated” and lacking “opportunities”. Even the punitive term “deadbeat dad” has gotten a makeover; runaway fathers are now known as “baby-daddies”.

Thanks to the inventiveness of the medical community there is now a rational, scientific, or genetic explanation for every behavior under the sun. It is no longer tolerable to slap an ugly label on anyone or anything.   

I confess I found myself feeling somewhat smug as I perused these websites. As a Christian I feel I am better than many about taking responsibility for my personal choices. My self-satisfaction was short lived when it hit me that Christian excuse making (including my own) tends to center almost entirely on the spiritual rather than the worldly.

Most Christians would never consider making up a story about the death of a family member to escape work obligations. However, we are sometimes tempted to make more subtle excuses in our spiritual lives. Here is a selection of some of the better excuses I have made and heard through the years…

I can’t forgive.  

I’m not called to that.

I’ve been hurt by Christians so I don’t__________________________  

I don’t have time to study the Bible.

Jesus didn’t speak out on that so it must be okay.

It’s not gossip; I’m venting.

I don’t have enough money to be generous.  

It’s not my fault; I wasn’t raised in a Christian home.

My research on the subject of excuses began because I was teaching on Hebrews chapter four. Verse thirteen caught my attention; it provides some scary counsel concerning the legitimacy of excuses.  

 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account~ Hebrews 4:13 NIV

The truth is that nothing in this world is hidden from God. Every thought, activity and action is wide open to His scrutiny. This is a fearsome truth: God sees through our excuses and discerns the true motivations behind our thoughts and behavior, we can’t feed God a line about why we can’t change and assume He will buy it. The justifications we use to rationalize our behavior may feel solid and might even elicit sympathy from the rest of the world but they won’t hold up under the examination of the Almighty.

I find it oddly encouraging that God is so mindful of the human race. God understands the good and the bad that makes us who we are and He loves us. God is like the parent who understands their child better than the child understands himself.

God’s ultimate goal is to mold us into the image of Jesus and that means empowering us to see our excuses for what they are so we can overcome our shortcomings. God’s love for the human race is so profound that if we are willing to work with Him, He will enable us to see past our flimsy excuses and empower us to make the changes necessary to become the very best version of us imaginable.

The Lord looks down from heaven; he sees all the children of man; from where he sits enthroned he looks out
on all the inhabitants of the earth, he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds~ Psalm 33:13-15 ESV

Catchphrases and Other Nonsense...

Does not the ear test words as the tongue tastes food? ~ Job 12:11

The other day, I was passing through the kitchen on the way to my office, and I heard a few snatches of a news program that caught my attention. The pundit was doing a short piece called Banned Phrases. The segment consisted of some rather amusing, tongue-in-cheek commentary on why he felt a popular catchphrase should be banned from the American vocabulary.

To be honest with you, I cannot remember for the life of me what phrase he wanted to ban. I can tell you that I found the concept of banning phrases to be incredibly intriguing.

Please understand that I am not opposed to free speech. I’m actually a huge fan. That said, all rights come with responsibilities and I am deeply troubled by the sweeping epidemic I see of speaking without thinking. There is a lot of stuff that gets said and resaid that really makes no sense whatsoever when it is closely examined.

Take the phrase YOLO as an example. YOLO is an acronym for “you only live once.” While it is true that humans only live once (Hebrews 9:27), this expression would make a lot more sense if it were shouted out as the speaker did something helpful for humanity like visiting shut-ins, feeding orphans in Haiti, or teaching children the Bible. Instead, it’s become the sad war cry of a generation gleefully wasting their one and only life on pointless folly. 

It’s not just the secular world that falls into the trap of speaking without thinking. There are a few catchphrases that have come into fashion in the church world that Christians say routinely without examining the meaning behind the phrases. This drives me nuts. When something drives me nuts I feel compelled to write about it.

So today I will share with you my own version of Banned Phrases.  The first of three phrases I would sincerely love to ban from the vocabularies of my fellow Christians is …

God doesn’t care if you go to church~ Matthew 16:18, Hebrews 10:25

Really? Then what’s the point?

 I am convinced that this is one of those things we Christians say to appear cool and accepting. Like most of the things we say to appear cool and accepting, it isn’t really grounded in solid theology. It’s true that God does not take attendance. If you miss a Sunday every once in a while nothing bad will happen to you. Nor does God profit in some way from you being in church on Sunday mornings. He does not. God wants you in church because you will get something out of it, not because He enjoys seeing you in the pews.

The benefits of church are countless and multi-faceted. Church provides Christians with a source of community; and it gives us the privilege of belonging to something bigger than ourselves. Church is where we learn and grow on a spiritual level; it is the place where we have our views challenged and it is where we become accountable for our actions and attitudes. Most importantly, it is where we discover how to be less selfish as we learn to love people who are not like us. I am convinced that God does not care what kind of church you attend. It can big or small, loud or quiet, mega or home as long as it is Bible-believing and Christ-honoring.

Perception is reality~ Psalm 25:5, John 8:32, Zechariah 8:16-17   

No, my friend, reality is reality.

I hate this phrase for countless reasons, the least of which is it sounds like something a crazy person would babble right before he or she is force-fed their medication. It is true that people respond to what they believe to be true rather than what is true at times. But this expression makes it sound as if we should all kowtow to whatever reality people are choosing on a given day. The job of Christians is to act as the presenters and guardians of reality and truth as God sees it, not as a delusional society wishes to see it. It’s vital that we present truth in the most compassionate and caring way possible, but reality and truth must be presented if we are to be obedient to our calling.

I’m not getting fed~ Hebrews 5:11-14

Pick up a fork.

This is a phrase that I was once fond of uttering, until I said it to the wrong (or maybe the right) person. I was brought up short when this woman pointed out to me that if I knew I was hungry, I was probably more than capable of feeding myself. She went on to point out that babies are incapable of articulating their own hunger. Once babies have figured out why they feel uncomfortable, they are capable of self-feeding. The painful take-away I gleaned from that encounter is that if you sense you need more food, it’s time to pick up a fork and dig into God’s word. A longing for something more spiritually is a sign that we are ready to serve on a higher level or share what we know with others.

All right, I’ve shared three phrases that I would love to ban, and I hope I haven’t offended any of you with my cheekiness. Now, I would love to hear from you. Let me know some of the phrases you would love to ban and why.

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good~ 1^st Peter 2:2-3

The Hazards of Presumed Judgment

Don’t accuse anyone without reason, when they haven’t harmed you~ Proverbs 3:30 CEB

 Recently, I did something foolish. It wasn’t the first or most foolish thing I’ve ever done, but it was a biggie. My folly ruined a perfectly good morning and could have ended a treasured relationship.

It all started out innocently enough. I was spending a Saturday morning with a small group that included a few close friends as well as some causal acquaintances.

I sat relaxing in the Arizona sunshine enjoying a lovely cup of coffee, and as I listened quietly to the conversation, someone whom I consider to be a close friend expounded on a personal pet peeve of hers. Because her pet peeve is something I do on occasion I immediately assumed that she was attempting to send me a message. The coffee suddenly tasted like mud and my thoughts turned ugly. My less-than-Christlike musings went something like this:

Are you kidding me?

If she wanted to talk to me about that she should have just done it!

She’s judging me!

In front of people I barely know!

Has this woman ever actually read Matthew 7:1?

Thankfully I had just enough good sense and social decency to keep my big mouth shut until I had time to process my feelings. It wasn’t until the next week when I talked it all out with my friend (who had no idea she had hurt me) that I realized what I had done.

I had presumed judgment.

We presume judgment when we choose to believe that we know how someone feels about our current behavior or past choices.  Assuming judgment can easily morph into paranoia and distrust because we nearly always assume that people are judging us harshly.

As I was processing my foolishness, it occurred to me that planting seeds of presumptive judgment is one of Satan’s most cunning tactics. The body of Christ is adversely affected by presumptive judgment in at least four ways.

Presumed Judgment is divisive~ 1^st Corinthians 12:25-26

  Presuming judgment without evidence is one of the most divisive behaviors that can occur within the body of Christ. When we assume that a Christian brother or sister is judging us we tend to withdraw from relationships—not just with that Christian but also from any Christian who we fear might feel the same way. Our self-imposed isolation creates the perfect environment for bitterness and other forms of dysfunction to take root and wreck havoc on our lives and the lives of those we love.

Presumed judgment produces pockets of dysfunction within the body of Christ~ Proverbs 13:20

I have observed that individuals who feel judged by others tend to gravitate almost exclusively towards folks who struggle with the exact same junk they struggle with. When unhealthy people clump together, the chances of anyone in the clump getting healthy are marginal at best. There is nothing wrong with having a friend who can relate to our past experiences but too many of this type of friend can become a crutch that prevents growth. It is impossible to learn new patterns from people who are stuck in the same ones we are stuck in. In order to grow past unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior, we must cultivate meaningful friendships with people who are different from us.

Presumed judgment gives the devil a foothold~ Ephesians 4:26-27, Proverbs 19:11, 1^st Samuel 16:7 

Presumed judgment is a sin. It’s sinful because when we presume judgment, we are placing ourselves in the position of God and smugly assuming that we know things about other people’s hearts that only He could possibly know. As with most sins, presumed judgment has the potential to lead us down a path of greater and greater disobedience. When we are hurt we tend to share our hurt with others, which is gossip. Gossip leads to division and division leads inevitably to anger, bitterness and separation. As we isolate ourselves, our hearts grow hard towards God and people. When that happens the devil has scored a major victory.

Presumed judgment prevents us from looking inward~ 2^nd Corinthians 13:5

One of the lessons I learned from my recent experience is that my sense I was being judged had everything to do with me and very little to do with my friend being judgmental. I was using presumed judgment as a handy excuse to avoid looking inward at my own junk. The belief that we are being judged is oftentimes a sign that we need to do some self-examination.  It may be that God has forgiven us for something but we have failed to forgive ourselves, or we have asked for forgiveness for sin yet failed to repent. Sometimes the sense we are being judged is more about our own uncertainty or guilt regarding choices or lifestyle. Intense sensitivity to the judgment of others is a strong indicator that we have some emotional or spiritual work to do.

 There are judgmental people in this world, but their numbers are probably far smaller than we believe. When we are judged unfairly (and we will be sometimes) it’s vital to remember that the judgment of man is irrelevant; it’s God we should be worrying about. God has made clear in His Word that nothing that happens on planet earth goes unnoticed; those who judge unjustly will give an account to Him for their actions (Hebrews 4:13).

Presumed judgment steals our joy, destroys relationships, and divides the body of Christ. Because presuming judgment is so detrimental to our spiritual wellbeing, we must end the insanity. We do that by giving people the benefit of the doubt, looking for the good in others, discussing our perceptions rationally when we feel someone is treating us unfairly and praying fervently for the people who judge others unfairly.   

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things~ Philippians 4:8 NIV

Love and Other God-Sized Projects

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed ~ 1^st Peter 1:6-7 NIV

I recently went through a period where circumstances forced me to confront my feelings about a situation I had avoided dealing with for a long time. It was a mess, but not a particularly dramatic one. It was the unpleasant but common junk that we all have to deal with at some point in our lives.

 It all came down to relationship, forgiveness and letting go of some really deep hurt and anger. As I was in the midst of working through some of these issues I was struck by how difficult and painful it can be to obey the instruction given in Hebrews 12:15 to forgive and let go of hurt before it metastases into bitter roots.

My friend Jackie has an expression that she uses to describe any task or need that appears daunting or even impossible. She calls these things “God-sized projects.” I love the expression. Every time I hear her say it I’m reminded that there are some things I simply cannot do on my own. Letting go is one of those God-sized projects.

  After a recent reading of the gospels I have concluded that Jesus often assigned His followers God-sized projects. Here is a small sampling of some of Jesus’ more impossible commands and instructions…

Forgive~ Luke 6:37b NIV

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. Luke 6:32-33 NIV

  Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you~ Matthew 17:20 NIV

Do not worry~ Luke 12: 22

It occurred to me as I wrestled with my own junk that most God-sized projects are all related in one way or another to one of three issues: faith, love or forgiveness.

Faith is a challenge because faith is, at its core, believing God will meet needs that seem impossible to meet and solve problems that appear unsolvable. Faith assumes that a lack of provision in any area of our lives is either God waiting for the perfect moment or our lack of understanding as to what our needs really are. Faith isn’t really faith until it’s tested and hanging on during those times of testing is always a God-sized project.

Walking in faith becomes even more difficult when it is tangled up with forgiveness, as it often is. To truly forgive, we must believe God can and will deal with people who have hurt us in a way that is truly just without our assistance. Sadly, I have learned the hard way that nothing in this world looks and feels sweeter but is more embittering to our souls than vengeance. Living a life of faith means trusting God enough to give up the right to exact revenge.

Love is tough because well, frankly, people are tough to love sometimes. They can be weird and squirrelly.  Sometimes it feels like the minute we let our guard down and start to trust them they do something hurtful. Loving people is further complicated by the fact that biblical love accepts people the way they are rather than the way we wish they were. It is a mighty act of faith to trust that God is working in the hearts of those we care for as we obediently show them His love.

God has not changed in the last two millennia. He’s still into assigning His followers impossible tasks. You know you have been blessed with a God-sized project when you sense God is calling you to love people who are unlovable, forgive the inexcusable, or believe God for the implausible.

If God has entrusted you with one of His God’s sized projects, you need to understand and accept two truths. First, God believes in you. He chose you for this task for a reason. He knows that you able to do what He has asked you to do. Second, there are blessings ahead for you as you embrace your God-sized project. 

When we undertake the tough assignments God works in us and through us in fresh and powerful ways. Our wisdom increases dramatically, our concern for others is heightened and our ability to love is enlarged and refined. Our faith and confidence in God grows and becomes contagious to our friends and family.  When we forgive, we have a greater understanding of who God is and what He is all about, and we become better able to share his love with others.

The end result of embracing our God-sized projects is that we end up looking and acting a lot more like our heavenly Father when it’s all over.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ~ Philippians 1:9-10