The Lesson I Learned While Eavesdropping

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you~ Ephesians 4:30-32 NIV

 I have a bad habit that probably qualifies as a sin. When I am alone in restaurants I sometimes listen in on the conversations going on around me. I know it’s a terrible thing to do, and I don’t routinely make a habit out of spying on people, but sometimes the conversation is so juicy I have a hard time behaving myself.  

I ran into this situation recently. I was sitting in my booth minding my own business, playing with my phone when two men were seated behind me. These gentlemen were really fired up over an event that took place in 1997. I know it was 1997 because they remembered not only the year in which the episode occurred, but also the month.

Apparently, one of these guys had gone out of their way to help a mutual friend get a job at his place of employment and the person he was attempting to help decided to take a job with another company without notifying anyone. This resulted in some embarrassment for one of the men and they were both pretty angry about the whole thing nearly two decades after the fact.

At first I was amused and a little bewildered that someone could be still be so irate over something that transpired so long ago. I don’t know all the details that occurred between the parties, but at least on the surface the passions involved appeared to be a little silly and out of proportion to the offense.

Just as I was beginning to feel a bit smug and self-righteous over my own ability to forgive and forget, I recalled a couple of nasty grudges that I carried around for a whole lot longer than was healthy.  I was reminded of some wise counsel penned by the author of the book of Hebrews…

   Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many~ Hebrews 12:14-15   

It struck me as I drove home that bitter roots often sprout up in our hearts without our observation or consent. It’s shockingly easy to allow hurt or embarrassment to morph into resentment and resentment to mature into bitterness. Sometimes the indicators that we are hanging onto offenses can masquerade as a weird form of righteous indignation, as it had with the two gentlemen I had overheard talking.

Bitterness often feels reasonable to us—righteous, even. There is something about the poisonous emotions of bitterness that feed our fleshly nature and causes us to feel virtuous as we are duped into embracing feelings and attitudes that steal our joy, destroy our relationships and stunt our spiritual and personal growth.

  There is no end to the list of things that can trigger the development of a bitter root: personal hurt, loss, broken promises, betrayal, trauma and abuse are just a few. Bitterness is sometimes a learned behavior; if our parents carried bitterness around with them we tend to adopt the same approach to life and relationships.

The key to dealing with bitterness is twofold, and the first is prevention. Identifying a situation that has the potential to cause bitterness before it actually does is crucial. When these events occur we need to bathe them in prayer and be very careful about how much and with whom we share.

Some friends actually feed the fire of bitterness by agreeing that we do indeed have a “right” to feel the way we feel and constantly reminding us of other offenses we have suffered at the hands of the same people. These types of people may be well intentioned and pleasant to be around, but they are not really helpful or spiritually mature. The second key is to recognize bitterness when are feeling it and then deal with it decisively.

Some indicators of bitterness are…

You think about the person who hurt you frequently

You gravitate toward people who are bitter or hurt

You feel that the offenses you have suffered are unique 

You daydream about revenge or “setting them straight”

You have a cynical attitude in general  

You wish misfortune on others

You feel smug when bad things happen to people who have hurt you

We remove bitter roots through prayer: first for ourselves, that God will empower us through His Spirit to truly forgive and let go of offenses.  We also need to pray for those who have wronged us, and not just praying that they will come to their senses and stop being jerks.  

Prayer must be accompanied with self-discipline in order for it to be effective. Do not allow your mind the luxury of dwelling on offenses. It is impossible to move on emotionally or spiritually if we constantly contemplate past hurts and offenses. This will open the doors for us to truly forgive those who have wronged us.

The Bible cautions us to avoid the sin of bitterness because bitterness is an emotional and spiritual poison that eventually destroys our lives and devastates our most treasured relationships. When we forgive and let go of past offense we open the door for God to bless us in every area of our lives.

If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you~ Matthew 6:14 NIV 

Faith that Trusts

Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; 
God is a refuge for us~ Psalm 62:8 NKV

 Yesterday, as I was rereading the first few chapters of the book of Luke, I was reminded of a nerve-wracking stage in my son’s life. We called it his mountaineering phase. From the time Alex could crawl, he climbed. He climbed out of his crib when he was a little less than year old, and it was as if he had found his calling in life.  He had absolutely no discernment about what he climbed on: Alex would joyfully scramble up any surface that would hold his bodyweight, including furniture, fences, doorways, cars, retaining walls, and roofs.

To complicate the situation, the only thing Alex loved more than climbing was jumping; and for a short period he routinely combined the two activities. There was no warning other than a quick “Hey Mom” or “Hey Dad” preceding his jumps; he would let out a yell and immediately launch his tiny body in the general direction of whichever parent happened to be nearest, blindly believing that he would always be caught.

 I am pleased to report that we made it through that frightful phase with no broken bones or other physical damage and that he (inexplicably) made it to adulthood in one piece. My husband and I were most traumatized by that stage. We still joke that our first gray hairs were courtesy of Alex and his climbing phase.

The first three chapters of the book of Luke contain no climbing or jumping but they give us picture of something that Alex had a lot of: trust and (something he really struggled with) obedience. Surprisingly, every person in the story answered God’s call with a heart of trust and an attitude of obedience.

I say surprisingly because in this narrative God does what He often does with His people. He blithely asked them to trust and obey Him with little or no information concerning the outcome of the plan.

 We often brush past the immensity of the task to which Mary was called. She was expected to teach, train and nurture the Maker of the universe; no one had ever done this before and she had no role model to call and ask for guidance.  Mary’s calling—as high and holy as it was—created a lot of drama for her personally and undoubtedly called her sanity and reputation into question.

Can you imagine the dubious response of her family and faith community when she informed them that her pregnancy came about because the Holy Sprit had come upon her and the Most High had overshadowed her? (Luke 1:35 ESV) I bet there were some sneers and giggles over that story.

 The question the Pharisees directed at Jesus in John 8:19, “Where is your Father?” is a subtle swipe at his origins. It serves as a reminder that, in the minds of many, Mary’s behavior was dubious and Jesus’s paternity was unclear even thirty years after the fact.  

Joseph’s unfailing trust in God is in many ways the most extraordinary and awe-inspiring. After the Angel of Lord set him straight concerning the origins of Jesus he freely accepted the daunting and at times dangerous task of stepfather and protector of the Son of God with grace and earnestness, never once questioning the enormity or fairness of the task to which he was called.

Even Zechariah, the one initial holdout in the trust department, finally got it after nine months of forced silence. He was filled with the Holy Spirit and declared to all within hearing…   

Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David~ Luke 1:68-69 NIV

And then…

And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High: for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, 
to guide our feet into the path of peace~ Luke 1:76-79 NIV

In my mind this story begs the question…

What is God asking you to trust Him with or for this Christmas season?

The faith journey inevitably comes down to trust and for that reason God is always asking us to believe Him for something. It may be that the time has come for you to get off the fence and trust God to help you to break that bad habit that has been controlling your life for far too long. Maybe He’s asking you to forgive someone who may not deserve forgiveness or let go of anger towards someone who has hurt you.

It may be time to let go of control and believe that God really will take care of those you love without your assistance or input. It may be that God has been asking you to venture away from your comfort zone and take on that project or task that scares you to death; or maybe its just time for you to really commit your life to God and prove it by being obedient. In God’s way of looking at the world, obedience is the proof of trust. Anything less falls short. 

My hope is that as you celebrate the birth of our Savior you will be lead to trust God with whatever you are struggling with and that your obedience will lead to a deeper understanding of God and a richer faith journey this coming year.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight~ Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV 

Make it Merry

 May the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows. May he, as a result, make your hearts strong, blameless, and holy as you stand before God our Father when our Lord Jesus comes again with all his holy people. Amen~ 1^st Thessalonians 3:12-13 NLT

 Christmas is not just the only time of year for eggnog lattes; it is also prime time for my favorite leisure activity: people watching. The gentleman in front of me at Wal-Mart yesterday was a fascinating study. He had a full cart, and along with the food there were some items that were obviously gifts and a few decorations, including, ironically enough, a Santa hat.

Sadly, his Christmas spirit ended with the festive items in his cart. He watched the young woman ringing up his groceries like a very grumpy hawk and was quick to correct and question the slightest error or perceived mistake that she made as she rung up his purchases.

Despite his crabby demeanor the young lady retained her composure. When she finished ringing up his purchases she politely and cheerfully gave him the total of $93.94. He promptly flew into a rage and informed her that the total was too much and demanded to see the receipt. After some cranky off-color comments, he managed to grasp the reality that he had indeed spent the amount quoted. He then stomped off, presumably to spread his Christmas cheer to other retail establishments around town.

As tempting as it is to bash the guy at Wal-Mart, I’m trying really hard to squelch the urge. There may very well be more to the story than I know. He might have been tired, sick, dealing with grief or some other legitimate issue that would cause him to believe that the checkout girl at Wal-Mart was somehow responsible for what he put in his cart.

Admittedly, I’m a bit sensitive to all of this. Two of my children work for a major department store chain. They have told me some horror stories and I have witnessed the emotional and spiritual toll that it takes on my kids and their friends to endure this sort of abuse from November to New Years.

Seeing as how Christmas is meant to be a season of spreading joy and benevolence rather than crankiness and ill, I would like to offer five suggestions for making Christmas merry and bright for everybody.

Keep personal expectations in line with reality~

I am convinced that much of the crankiness related to Christmas stress has to do with unmet expectations. Many in our culture have bought into the lie that every Christmas should be filled with unending magical moments and unfettered family harmony. The reality is that, aside from the spiritual aspects of Christmas (the truly magical aspect of Christmas), magic does not manifest itself out of thin air. It costs money (a limited resource) and our families are the same people in December as they are in June. Keeping this in mind and then being intentional about what we intend to spend while focusing on the point of the celebration helps to keep expectations in line with reality.

Give people a break~

The modern age has ruined us all by raising our expectations when it comes to immediate gratification. We want what we want and we expect to get it in the time it takes for Google to obtain our search results. Sadly, this often translates into impatience with any stranger who can’t answer our questions immediately or provide what we feel we need in what we deem a reasonable period of time. I have to remind myself frequently this time of year that people are not machines. They are humans who get tired, have bad days and don’t always have all the answers.

Revive the lost art of common courtesy~

Be nice. That’s all you have to do.

Know your personal limits~

 I did something on black Friday I have never done before. I went to the mall. I left the house with a heart filled with Christmas spirit, a solid Christian attitude towards humanity and a jam-packed to-do list. I was intent on getting at least half of my shopping completed before the day was done. One look at the lines and I knew I was going to lose my mind, end up in jail, or say something sinful to an innocent person if I had to stand in one of those lines. I left the mall without purchasing a single thing, but I went home with my Christianity and Christmas spirit intact. We have to know our personal limits when it comes to stress and be willing to toss our agendas if it means maintaining an attitude that blesses other people.   

Keep the spiritual in the forefront of the celebration~

I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong or sinful with the retail/secular side of Christmas. Spending keeps the economy moving along, and after a careful study of Old Testament celebrations, I am persuaded that God likes and encourages wholesome fun and joyful celebration. Many secular traditions like decorations, cookies, stockings, light displays and gift giving are wholesome and fun. Until, of course, the spending and fun become the focus. Then the fun becomes toxic to the original purpose of the day: remembering what God did two thousand years ago when He sent a vulnerable little baby into a lost and broken world with the sole intention of redeeming that world and drawing men and women into relationship with Him.  

Going into December with an agenda for keeping Christ in Christmas is the key. I have found over the years that activities like celebrating advent at home, singing Christmas songs, sharing with others, and reading Christian Christmas stories aloud as a family all help to keep things properly focused.

Keeping things properly focused at home bleeds over into how we treat strangers in public, and may just open up some opportunities to share the true meaning of the season with an overworked, under-encouraged stranger.

You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear~ Ephesians 4:29 NET