Dear children, let us not love with words or speech
but with actions and in truth~ 1st John 3:18
My oldest daughter is and has always been
an extremely literal, logical little being. I will not tell you the lengths I
had to go to persuade her that hotdogs contained no dog. Until she was about
nine she was convinced that if hotdogs were truly dog free they would have been
given a different name. Her logical nature led to more than just
misunderstandings about the content of convenience foods.
She went through a brief phase where she
was convinced that if someone did not give her what she wanted or let her do
what she wanted they did not really love her. Because she equated love with
leniency and indulgence she concluded that any thwarting of her desires was
proof of a lack of love.
If I didn’t let her have cookies for lunch
or sleep in her bed with her it was because I didn’t love her. If her Dad
disciplined her for playing in the street or hitting her brother it was because
he didn’t love her. Her thinking wasn’t entirely selfish either. If we didn’t
let her brother or even the dog do what they wished we didn’t really love them
either.
Needless to say it was a very irritating
(but thankfully short-lived) phase that finally ended by my describing in no
uncertain terms what some of the possible consequences of her wants could be
(being squished by a car, scurvy etc.).
After that discussion she concluded that loving parents sometimes had to
put limits on their kids for the sake of their health if nothing else.
Unfortunately, many grown-ups struggle
with the same shallow perspective of love. Many are like my little girl: they
equate love with leniency and indulgence. These people believe that if you love
someone, you show your love by letting them do anything they want and they will
respond by loving you back. This group is often shocked when their attempts at
loving their children in this fashion result in bratty little disasters.
Some believe that if you love someone, you
never criticize, warn or reprimand them. These days love is equated with
all-embracing acceptance of behavior and yet you seldom see this line of
thinking carried out to its logical conclusion: i.e. if it’s unloving to warn
against potentially dangerous behavior, why do we stop people from cutting
themselves or even committing suicide?
Folks in the Church tend to be more
balanced, but not always. There are plenty of Christians who have a wimpy,
one-dimensional perspective of love. These folks believe that love is warm and
sentimental, never challenging or tough. The love that the Bible presents is complex
and rich. It’s as gentle as a Mother with her newborn (1st
Thessalonians 2:6-8) but it has teeth in the sense that it will fight to the
death for the soul of a single sinner (Luke 15:7, Romans 5:8).
God’s love accepts and receives all people
regardless of past choices; but it also encourages, cajoles, and anticipates effort
towards greater spiritual growth and personal transformation (2 Corinthians 13:11).
I think that one of the best ways to define love is as a verb, an action word
(thanks, DC Talk). Today I want to attempt to define love by looking at four
aspects of what love does.
Love feels compassion and is moved by
empathy~ Matthew 9:36
Sometimes the words empathy and compassion
are used interchangeably but they don’t really mean the same thing. Compassion means
to feel sympathy for someone i.e. to feel bad about his or her situation.
Empathy is a much richer word; it means that you understand and identify with
someone in such a way that you are moved to action on behalf of that person. When
Jesus felt compassion for people he was always compelled to act on
their behalf. Love does more than feel sorry for people; it seeks to understand
why they are the way that they are and then it works to meet the needs of that
individual.
Love is self-sacrificing~ Ephesians 5:1-2
We often talk about the life of Jesus as a
model of self-sacrifice but I think we need an example with skin on: Emil Kapaun
was a Catholic priest who served as an Army Chaplain during the Korean War. When
his platoon was attacked in November 1950 he chose to stay behind with the
wounded soldiers rather than escape; he was taken captive by a Chinese soldier
as he prayed over the body of a dead soldier. He and the wounded were taken on
the Tiger Death March to a North Korean prison camp; Kapaun carried a man with
a broken ankle saving him from certain extermination.
Korean prison camps were not pleasant
places. While there Kapaun made every effort to make it a better place for the
other prisoners. He traded the guards his pocket watch for blankets so he could
make socks, turned old tee shirts
into bandages, and snuck out to wash the bandages for the wounded. He repaired
leaking water bottles using burnt rubber from the soles of discarded shoes. He
risked his own life to sneak out at night into the fields surrounding the camp
looking for potatoes and grain, which he gave to the other men. He kept morale up among the prisoners in the
camp by praying with men, joking with them and singing their national anthems
with them. He heard confessions and even held a Sunrise Easter service within
the camp. He died of pneumonia on May 23rd 1951 as he requested his
guard’s forgiveness.
In Christian circles we talk a lot about
what it means to live a life of sacrifice. As I read the story of Emil Kapaun I
found myself grateful for an example of what self-sacrifice really looks like.
Love is Committed~ Proverbs 27:10, Psalm
85:10
We live in a time when the concepts of
commitment and duty are rather squidgy and vague. Life-long marriages, business
relationships and friendships are becoming increasingly rare. God calls us to a
life of love. Love is defined by faithfulness and commitment. I understand that
some relationships are so toxic that there are times when you have to separate
yourself from someone for the sake of your own health and wellbeing. That said,
I have observed that Christians (me included) are awfully quick to judge
relationships of all kinds “unworkable”, “unhealthy” or “unproductive”; without
doing the hard work of communicating until we get to the root of the problem,
taking ownership for our part in things and then forgiving. I believe that by
being so quick to avoid the hardships of long-term relationships we may be
missing out on the joy and satisfaction that comes from having a life-long bond
with another person.
Love celebrates growth and transformation~
Hebrews 6:9
God celebrates growth in His children and
His children should celebrate the growth they see in one another. A few weeks
ago God blessed me with an incredible weekend; I returned to my beloved
Northwest and enjoyed a rain-free weekend where I had the privilege of
ministering at a ladies retreat, fellowshipping with an incredible group of
women, eating food I didn’t have to cook and reconnecting with old friends. The
best part of the whole weekend by far was observing the spiritual growth and
maturity that God has brought about in the lives of my friends over the last
year. The Christian life is about transformation and growth (Philippians 2:12).
Transformation and growth are hard work because they require death to self and
death of any kind is difficult and extremely painful. Recognizing and
celebrating the growth we see in others is a big piece of fulfilling the
command to “encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3:13)
Love is the one emotion that is eternal
and a longing that can only be completely satisfied through relationship with
God. It is important to have a biblical
understanding of love because when we comprehend love we grasp who God is and
what He’s all about. When we grasp who God really is we are better equipped to
take His love into the world and be the transforming force God has called us to
be.
“Of all the commandments, which is the most
important? “The most
important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God,
the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your
soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There
is no commandment greater than these”~ Mark 12:28-31
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