Do not grieve the Holy
Spirit of God, with whom you
were sealed for the day of redemption. Get
rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every
form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
forgave you~ Ephesians 4:30-32 NIV
I have
a bad habit that probably qualifies as a sin. When I am alone in restaurants I
sometimes listen in on the conversations going on around me. I know it’s a
terrible thing to do, and I don’t routinely make a habit out of spying on
people, but sometimes the conversation is so
juicy I have a hard time behaving myself.
I ran into this situation recently. I was
sitting in my booth minding my own business, playing with my phone when two men
were seated behind me. These gentlemen were really fired up over an event that
took place in 1997. I know it was 1997 because they remembered not only the
year in which the episode occurred, but also the month.
Apparently, one of these guys had gone out
of their way to help a mutual friend get a job at his place of employment and
the person he was attempting to help decided to take a job with another company
without notifying anyone. This resulted in some embarrassment for one of the
men and they were both pretty angry about the whole thing nearly two decades
after the fact.
At first I was amused and a little
bewildered that someone could be still be so irate over something that transpired
so long ago. I don’t know all the details that occurred between the parties,
but at least on the surface the passions involved appeared to be a little silly
and out of proportion to the offense.
Just as I was beginning to feel a bit smug
and self-righteous over my own ability to forgive and forget, I recalled a
couple of nasty grudges that I carried around for a whole lot longer than was
healthy. I was reminded of some wise
counsel penned by the author of the book of Hebrews…
Make every effort to live in peace with
everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls
short of the grace of God and
that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many~ Hebrews 12:14-15
It struck me as I drove home that bitter
roots often sprout up in our hearts without our observation or consent. It’s shockingly
easy to allow hurt or embarrassment to morph into resentment and resentment to mature
into bitterness. Sometimes the indicators that we are hanging onto offenses can
masquerade as a weird form of righteous indignation, as it had with the two
gentlemen I had overheard talking.
Bitterness often feels reasonable to us—righteous,
even. There is something about the poisonous emotions of bitterness that feed
our fleshly nature and causes us to feel virtuous as we are duped into embracing
feelings and attitudes that steal our joy, destroy our relationships and stunt
our spiritual and personal growth.
There is no end to the list of things that can
trigger the development of a bitter root: personal hurt, loss, broken promises,
betrayal, trauma and abuse are just a few. Bitterness is sometimes a learned behavior;
if our parents carried bitterness around with them we tend to adopt the same
approach to life and relationships.
The key to dealing with bitterness is twofold,
and the first is prevention. Identifying a situation that has the potential to
cause bitterness before it actually does is crucial. When these events occur we
need to bathe them in prayer and be very careful about how much and with whom
we share.
Some friends actually feed the fire of
bitterness by agreeing that we do indeed have a “right” to feel the way we feel
and constantly reminding us of other offenses we have suffered at the hands of
the same people. These types of people may be well intentioned and pleasant to
be around, but they are not really helpful or spiritually mature. The second
key is to recognize bitterness when are feeling it and then deal with it
decisively.
Some indicators of bitterness are…
You think about the person
who hurt you frequently
You gravitate toward people
who are bitter or hurt
You feel that the offenses
you have suffered are unique
You daydream about revenge
or “setting them straight”
You have a cynical attitude
in general
You wish misfortune on
others
You feel smug when bad things
happen to people who have hurt you
We remove bitter roots through prayer:
first for ourselves, that God will empower us through His Spirit to truly
forgive and let go of offenses. We also
need to pray for those who have wronged us, and not just praying that they will
come to their senses and stop being jerks.
Prayer must be accompanied with
self-discipline in order for it to be effective. Do not allow your mind the
luxury of dwelling on offenses. It is impossible to move on emotionally or
spiritually if we constantly contemplate past hurts and offenses. This will
open the doors for us to truly forgive those who have wronged us.
The Bible cautions us to avoid the sin of
bitterness because bitterness is an emotional and spiritual poison that eventually
destroys our lives and devastates our most treasured relationships. When we
forgive and let go of past offense we open the door for God to bless us in
every area of our lives.
If you forgive other people when they sin
against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you~ Matthew 6:14 NIV
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