The
rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that
house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock~ Matthew
7:25
Like many couples, my husband and I have entirely different
priorities when it comes to house hunting. I am all about cute. I look for
original wood floors, unique details, and lots and lots of windows. My husband
worked in construction for years and has a far more practical (read: boring)
bent; he is concerned with the condition of the roof, the energy efficiency of
all those windows I am in love with, and—of course—the location.
An older home with original molding, distinctive features and
a front porch roomy enough for two rocking chairs will leave me swooning and impatient
to commit. Until my practical hubby kills the moment by pointing out that my
dream home has no garage, a vintage furnace, and is located between an
all-night liquor store and a vacant lot scattered with hypodermic needles and
evidence of a homeless camp.
If we are lucky enough to find a house cute enough for me and
sensible enough for my husband, the next step is a trip to the basement for a
thorough inspection of the foundation. My man has been known to spend an hour
checking over every square inch of the foundation searching for cracks and
other evidence of weaknesses. If I had a
dollar for every house that has been crossed of our list on the basis of a
questionable foundation, I could quite possibly double the down payment on our
next house.
As vexing as I find my husband’s practicality, I do understand
where he is coming from. Flooring can be changed; location cannot. A faulty foundation
takes buckets of money and a Herculean effort to repair.
Houses are not the only things built on a foundation. The character
of our kids is built on a foundation. The foundation we build when our children
are young will go a long way in determining the outcome of their lives.
There are three components necessary to build a solid
foundation in the life of our kids. It all starts with:
Authority
The daily skirmishes with your two- to seven-year-old child
are not about what they appear to be about. It might feel as if you are simply having
a difference of opinion over food choices, personal hygiene, bedtime,
organization and obedience. In reality you are in a battle with your child over
who exactly is going to be the leader in your home. You win it by kindly but
assertively making the decisions about what is going to happen in your home,
giving controlled choices and clear explanations for your decisions. Success will establish you and your spouse as
the principal authority figures in your child’s life. This will prepare the child
to accept and submit to the authority of teachers, coaches, police officers,
bosses and God. If you lose, your child will become the default leader in your
relationship dynamic and as a result every rule and request you make will be
tested, either actively or passively (depending on the personality of your
child) and your child will never respect you or any other authority figure,
including God.
Spiritual and ethical training
Every kid needs to understand that they are not the center of
the universe and that other people matter as much as they do. We communicate
this reality by teaching them to not just to love God, but also to obey Him,
and teaching them biblical standards of right and wrong. Without a healthy fear
of God and fixed standards to guide them, kids grow into adults driven not by reason,
concern for others, or virtue, but by their own egos, appetites and passions.
Love
Love as described in 1st Corinthians 13 is central
to Christian parenting. Without love, our efforts to assert our parental
authority will be perceived by our kids as cruel and controlling. Teaching kids
to obey God’s precepts without modeling His love and grace in our daily
interactions will lead to a skewed perception of and eventual rejection of God.
Too many parents in our culture love their children extravagantly, all the
while forgetting that love, if not combined with biblical training and
appropriate respect for authority, produces a lonely, unhappy, self-absorbed
adult.
Successful parents look at the big picture. Good parenting is
not about making kids happy every minute of the day. Good parenting is about preparing kids for
the future and teaching them right from wrong. It takes a combination of
authority, moral instruction and love to get the job done.
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