There is one body and one
Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one
faith, one baptism; one God
and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all~ Ephesians 4:4-6
In my last post I shared my perspective on
why Church matters. The gist of it is that we are saved not just into a relationship
with Jesus but also into a collective who together make up the body and bride
of Christ. God designed us in such a way that we need one another for direction,
relationship, insight, growth, strength and correction.
I
believe that when Christians leave the body for any reason the body suffers a
loss and the believer is left alone without the protection that numbers provide
in a world that is increasingly hostile to our faith. When Christians live in
isolation the Church loses a measure of its ability to act as a redemptive
force in our world; our power to act as salt and light is weakened.
Christians are departing from the Church
in alarming numbers. More often than not they are not heading to other
churches; they are just leaving. Following are the top three reasons people
give for leaving churches and some strategies people can employ to resolve
their issues and become more content in their church…
The third most common reason for leaving
church~ I’m not being fed!
As a Bible teacher this is the one that
really gets me, because there are situations where it’s a valid concern. In an
effort to reach the un-churched many leaders have gone to a seeker model for
their services and as a result some (not all) Sunday morning sermons are long
on self-esteem building twaddle and short on sound biblical teaching and good
old-fashioned conviction.
The solution may not be to leave, but to
look for alternative ways of getting fed within your Church. Some Christians
want Sunday morning to be the spiritual equivalent of a quick stop at the zippy
mart; where they fill up their spiritual gas tank, grab a couple of tasty
morsels off the shelf, pay for their purchases and leave for the week.
Spiritual growth doesn’t work like a zippy mart; it’s more like a really good
home-cooked meal. It takes time and effort and is ultimately the responsibility
of the person seeking the food.
Nearly every evangelical church has one
(most have several) really good, in-depth Bible study available. You may have
to get up a little earlier on Sunday morning or come back on Sunday night or a
Wednesday to get it but it’s there. Ask around, find the person (they are
probably older, and that’s a good thing) who’s teaching and get involved. As
these classes fill up it will send a message to church leadership that people
are hungry for a deeper level of teaching and may even facilitate some beneficial
change in the sermons. The bottom line:
take responsibility for your own growth!
The second most common reason people give
for leaving Church~ I’ve been hurt!
Okay, I don’t want be insensitive, but the
one thing we can all count on in this life besides death and taxes is that we
will all be hurt or hurt someone at some point. The answer is not to leave the
Church but to work through your hurt, forgive and move on.
You work through hurt by first evaluating
the situation maturely and deciding whether or not the situation needs
confronting. If someone hurt you accidentally through carelessness or lack of
consideration, you may just want to let the thing go. Not every hurt in life is
worth addressing.
If the person has hurt you repetitively
through thoughtlessness or calculated cruelty the situation needs to be
addressed, for the sake of unity and health within the body using Matthew
18:14-16 as a model. If you confront and they acknowledge their sin and apologize,
you have to forgive. Period. You let it go. No bringing it up again, no
passive-aggressive guilt trips, it has to be over. If you find that you can’t I
highly recommend John Bevere’s excellent book The Bait of Satan. It explains why forgiveness is critical and gives
step-by-step Christ-centered help in the process.
I also want to caution you to be sensitive
and prayerful if someone addresses an issue with you. Treat their concerns the
way you would want your concerns treated and always be open to the truth that
you may have hurt someone unintentionally.
The number one reason people leave
Churches is….
I have no friends/I can’t build
relationships!
Unfortunately this complaint may have some
validity; as churches grow to the size of small towns it can get harder to
build real community and make friends. There are two possible solutions; the
first should always be thoroughly tried before you move on to the second.
The first should begin with a self-check:
are you genuinely friendly and approachable? Are you available or are you the
last one there and the first to leave? Community takes effort and it all begins
with being friendly and in the building.
If you pass the self-check the
next thing is to look for smaller groups within the church. Small groups, Bible
studies and Sunday school classes can be excellent places to build a small
community within a really big church. Step
outside of your comfort zone and look for people who look lonely, strike up a
conversation, invite them to coffee and see if they would like to try a small
group with you. When you get into the group become intentional about building
relationships, invite people into your home; take an interest in their families
and lives. If after really trying you find you still can’t make friends move on
to plan B.
Plan B is to look for a smaller church. This
is a drastic step and should be taken prayerfully, but community is fundamental
to the Christian experience and if you aren’t getting it, something needs to be
done.
There are a lot of positives to the
smaller church experience: the accountability can be a little scary at first
but it is also potentially life changing, you will actually know the Pastor and
feel like a vital member of a community. There will be trade-offs, like smaller
youth groups, less elaborate children’s programs, and the musical quality may
not be what you are used to. But who knows? Maybe you are being called to that
smaller body for the purpose of helping build those programs. After all we are
saved to serve.
When Barnabas arrived and
saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to
remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a
great number of people were brought to the Lord~ Acts 11:23-24Does
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