How to Wreck a Girl

Folly is an unruly woman; she is simple and knows nothing~ Proverbs 9:13

Last Friday night, Abigail and I were home alone and eager for some mindless amusement. We settled in on the couch with a hearty supply of unhealthy snack food and turned on the TV. After some serious deliberation and a bit of negotiation we decided to watch TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress: The Big Day.

The Big Day is a program that documents in detail the wedding day of a young woman. This particular episode focused in on an outrageously self-centered and neurotic former cheerleader named Kristi. It quickly became apparent that Kristi was much more centered on crafting a fairy tale day than with planning a life with one man.

Abigail and I quickly found our selves fully enthralled with the unending parade of self-absorption and childishness. It was like passing a four-car pileup on the freeway. We couldn’t turn away.

 Kristi was the most brazen control freak I have seen in all my years on Earth. She bossed and dominated her bridal party, mocking their preferences and reminding them on more than one occasion that their sole purpose was to satisfy her every need. Her husband-to-be was not allowed any input whatsoever. She openly ridiculed his ideas and refused to entertain the notion that he could be right about anything.

He was told how many friends and coworkers he was “allowed” to invite to their wedding, and she reminded him at every turn that it was her special day rather than his or theirs. Not once did Kristi mention love, commitment or the obligations and responsibilities of marriage.

 Abigail watched Kristi’s antics mostly in stunned silence. It wasn’t until Kristi began to verbally abuse the young woman styling her hair that Abigail turned to me and asked:

“How exactly does a girl end up such a wreck?”

I paused the television and explained to Abigail that there are countless ways to wreck a girl. It’s really not that hard. Following are five simple yet effective things you can do to turn any sweet little girl into the type of woman everyone loves to hate. If you want to raise a self-centered, neurotic nightmare of a woman all you have to do is…

Get her fixated on appearances  

 Teach her that only pretty people are important. Make negative comments about the appearances of others starting at a young age. Never praise her for anything other than her physical beauty. This will drive home the lesson that beauty is a woman’s greatest strength and most valuable asset. Once she has absorbed that message allow and even encourage her to use her beauty to manipulate and control everyone around her.

Do not teach her the value of anything

Indulge her whims. Give her every material possession her heart desires and never make her say thank you for anything. If she ruins something with her carelessness, run out and replace the item immediately. Do not force her take responsibility for her actions or work for what she wants. Do not expose her to people who are less fortunate than she is. All of this will ensure that she is spoiled and ungrateful as well as clueless about the value of hard work.

Be critical of men  

She needs to believe that all men are stupid fools, worthy only of contempt and useful only for what they can provide a woman. The best way to teach this is for Mom to be openly disrespectful and critical of her husband and other men.

Never correct petty meanness and negativity

  If someone is an idiot they need to know it. A girl ought to feel it’s her duty to tell people exactly how stupid they are. Do not under any circumstances discourage her from expressing negative feelings about anything. She should be encouraged to vent her most critical thoughts and feelings about everything on everyone she meets.

Call her Princess   

Everybody knows that princesses are more important than everyone else and it is vital that a girl understand that she is more important than everyone else.  The princess title reinforces this truth and reminds her that she should never have to work or concern herself the needs of others.

All kidding aside, this world has more than enough self-centered, neurotic women that we all love to hate. If you wish do the world a favor, raise a little girl with healthy fear of God, a love for her fellow man, and a strong sense of purpose. Those women might not end up horrifying viewers on a TLC show, but they will add beauty and dignity to the world. They will be women worthy of praise.

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised~ Proverbs 31:30