When a Good Deed Goes Bad...

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness~ 2^nd Corinthians 12:9

I recently met with an old friend for a cup of coffee and some conversation. The small talk and friendly banter rapidly evolved into something deeper and much more serious. As her tale of woe unfolded I quickly realized that my friend had become the victim of a good deed that had gone terribly bad.

The good deed was born from the very best of intentions. A friend of my friend found herself in a tough spot and desperately needed some assistance. My friend opened her heart and gladly disrupted her own life and the life of her family to support and help her friend. The effort paid off: the friend eventually got things straightened out and moved on.

 Time passed and all appeared to be fine, until a conversation with a mutual acquaintance revealed that her “friend” was saying some unkind things about my friend and the motivations of her heart.

By the time we ordered our second cup of coffee it was clear that my friend was deeply wounded and battling bitterness, and for good reason. In a gracious attempt to be helpful and kind she had gone to a great deal of trouble and effort. In return she had become the victim of misinterpreted motives and harsh gossip.

Sadly, most of us have found ourselves in the same spot at one time or another. Someone we went out of our way to help misjudged our motives and we became….

The victim of cruel gossip

Misunderstood

Mistreated

 Attempting to repair a tarnished reputation  

Judged unfairly

Persecuted by people who should have known better

As I listened to my friend unburden herself, I began to understand just how damaging the hurt we experience in a good-deed-gone-bad situation can be.

 When we become the casualty of a good deed gone bad, offense and hurt inevitably crop up and can easily sprout into bitter roots. If we aren’t careful, those roots will take hold of our hearts and poison our outlook on the entire human race.

When our opinion of people is poisoned, we can be tempted to shut down emotionally and spiritually. We may avoid people and good deeds altogether. Our relationship with God becomes strained as we gradually lose our desire and capacity to refresh and bless others.     

Freeing ourselves from bitterness is not easy. It requires two things: self-examination and forgiveness. Self-examination is necessary in order to gain wisdom and prevent the reoccurrence of similar problems in the future.

Self-examination requires us to take a hard look at the situation and assess our part in things. We should ask ourselves two questions anytime we find ourselves in a good-deed-gone-bad situation…

1.    Was I truly being obedient to a call from God, or was I just trying to be the hero?

2.    Was there anything I could have done differently to change the outcome?

If “yes” is the honest answer either question, the solution is simple: ask for forgiveness and commit to doing things differently next time. Don’t withdraw, don’t beat yourself up, don’t stop helping, don’t blame. Learn from the mistake and move on. If the answer to both questions is no, then forgiveness becomes even more crucial.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event. It is a process. It’s often a long and painful process that requires taking our feelings of anger, hurt and disappointment to God over and over again. This must continue until the negative feelings are replaced with perspective and wisdom. Forgiveness is not about forgetting, nor is it always about reconciliation, but it is about letting go of any emotion that threatens to transform into a bitter root.

I have come to understand that at the core of any good-deed-gone-bad scenario is a choice. We can choose to become bitter and cynical and use our hurt as a shield to shut people out, or we can choose to use it as an opportunity to grow in our understanding of grace and forgiveness and be shaped into the image of Jesus.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word~ 2^nd Thessalonians 2:16-17