Two are
better than one because they have a good return for their labor~ Ecclesiastes
4:9 NASB
I am knee-deep in research for a talk I will give at a
conference this spring. The conference will be centered on social attitudes
towards marriage and family and how those issues are affecting non-profit
organizations. In preparation I have read innumerable scholarly articles that
all point solidly to the depressing and too real fact that marriage rates in
Western countries are declining at an alarming rate.
Why?
Experts point to rapid social change, moral relativism and
even some welfare programs as causes for shifting attitudes that have led to a
decline in marriage rates. The theories are endless and interesting. But even
the most interesting theories can get a bit tedious after reading pages and
pages of them. I loathe anything tedious or dull. So I did a bit of unscientific
research of my own. I contacted some millennials and asked them to share their
views on the subject.
A small number (one to be exact) of those I queried had optimistic
attitudes towards marriage and were confident that their marriage would be
successful. Twenty-one-year-old Jordyn said:
“Marriage is
not an outdated institution by any means! I believe that it is something God gave
us and when God created Adam. I dream about getting
married all the time. I have seen healthy marriages and that is what I strive
for.”
The bulk of the responses were more cynical and sadly
similar to a statement made by an anonymous twenty-something:
“My views on
marriage are mostly negative. My Mother and Father have been together for 23
years but are not married because they felt marriage was bad luck. I have seen
most of my family members get married and later divorced. I have never
understood marriage and have always been told, “It’s just a piece of paper.””
Too often
marriage is looked upon as an antiquated and pointless societal construct. Or
worse: marriage is thought to be unnecessary, impractical, and restrictive and
the foundation of all sorts of sexual frustration. I for one am sick and tired
of having marriage dissed. Marriage is the foundation of human civilization and
deserves respect for five reasons:
Marriage makes people better
Societies in times past esteemed marriage because they
understood a truth that “enlightened” moderns have foolishly forgotten.
Marriage makes us better. Married men and women commit fewer crimes, are less
likely to be addicted to drugs or alcohol, take better care of their children,
give more to charitable causes and are more likely to vote and be actively
involved in their communities.
Marriage promotes healthy living
On average, married people exercise more, eat better, live
longer and have fewer serious health issues. They also suffer from depression at lower
rates than single people. This is yet another way marriage benefits all of
society: healthier people result in lower healthcare costs for everyone.
Married people are sexier than single people
Well, maybe not sexier exactly; but married people do
have more sex than single people. Ten percent of single men ages 18-24 report
having sex more than twice a week, while married men in the same age group
report having sex an average of four times a week. Married men and women in
every age group report having more frequent sex than their single counterparts
in the same age group. Married people also report higher rates of sexual
satisfaction.
The children of married people have better outcomes
The facts are indisputable. Marriage benefits children.
Regardless of income levels, children with married parents do better and go
farther in life. They get in less trouble, do better in school, and are more
likely to graduate from high school. Children born out of wedlock are sicker,
more likely to be depressed, more likely to use drugs or alcohol and are less
likely to attend college.
Married people have more money
If you long for economic stability the smartest thing
you can do is to get married and stay that way. Married men make more money
than single or divorced men in the same jobs. The household incomes of married
women are fifty percent higher than the household incomes of single women.
Married people tend to have more assets and retirement savings than single
people.
Maggie Gallagher, author of The Case for Marriage, sums up the benefits of getting married and
staying that way succinctly:
Being married
gives men a new sense of responsibility towards work. It reduces substance
abuse. It creates more meaning and satisfaction in life for individuals. It
provides a legal partner that, as in all economic partnerships, allows one to
make more money and manage it better. Moreover, the act of marriage increases a
couple’s confidence that theirs is a permanent union.
Contrary to popular opinion, when marriages fail or
struggle it’s not because there is anything wrong with marriage. Marriage is a
gift from God and all of God’s gifts are good. People are the ones who mess up
God’s gifts. If we want our marriages to be healthy we have to look to the one
who made marriage, rather than to our own understanding of the subject.
Sources Consulted:
A Case for
Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially by Maggie Gallagher
“Changing Patterns of Nonmarital Childbearing in the
United States,” Stephanie Ventura, M.A. Division of Vital Statistics
“How Welfare Undermines Marriage and What to Do About
It” Robert Rector
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