We
look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in
deep shadows. Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like people
without eyes. ~ Isaiah 59:9b-10a
Yesterday was a bad day. I lost a
battle with discouragement over a myriad of unresolved issues that have left me
feeling anxious, uncertain and more than a little cranky.
Monday we discovered the security at our
health insurance company was breached and every member of our family has had
their personal information stolen. Therefore, it is possible that at this very
moment some punk thief is enjoying the European vacation I have always dreamed
of, and we are footing the bill for it.
Our family has seen more than its
fair share of challenging changes over the course of this past year and it is
likely that we have yet another big one coming. It appears that there may very
well be ANOTHER move on the horizon and we still haven’t finished unpacking from
the last one. To complicate things further we really have no clue where we will
move or when it will happen. Subsequently, a whole bunch of fairly critical
decisions are presently on hold until we know something definite.
The
heat has returned and so have all of the slithery, skittery desert creatures. As
a result my (mostly) irrational fear of our backyard has returned in full
force. Furthermore, a much-needed new diet
and exercise regime has left me feeling achy, irritable and hungry. The payoff
has been a solid two-pound weight gain.
I am well aware that in the grand
scheme of eternity none of these issues are the end of the world. In fact,
there are plenty of people on this planet who would gladly trade my mostly
first-world problems for their much more real and pressing troubles.
That awareness did not keep me from wallowing
in some of the most negative feelings imaginable for a few hours last night. It
was sad because I really do know better than to go there. I have learned the
hard way that self-indulgent wallowing solves nothing and only leads to greater
feelings of discouragement. However, feelings—especially negative feelings—are
rarely ruled by logic or good sense.
My negativity was still going
strong and steady at bedtime and as a result I had a hard time getting to
sleep. The next morning I was still feeling tired and a bit sorry for myself
when I opened my Bible and came across this gentle reminder courtesy of our
all-knowing God:
We live by faith, not by sight~
2nd Corinthians 5:7
As I meditated on the verse and
how it so readily relates to my own life right now, I was reminded of something
I heard our youth Pastor say in a sermon when the two older kids were still in
high school.
“Feelings
are the F-word of Christianity”
The poor guy took more than a
little heat from some irritated parents over that statement. Many felt it was crude
and poorly stated. But truth be told, he had an excellent point.
His point was that feelings are
capricious things that should have little impact on the way wise Christians
operate in this world. Feelings can and will trip us up in a million different
ways. Feelings, if left unchecked, will lead us into situations Christians have
no business being in. Feelings are the root of virtually every kind of heartbreak
in this world. Feelings will lead us to doubt even the most obvious of truths.
Feelings cause even wise people to do and say things that cannot be undone.
Facts can also trip us up sometimes. Facts can
tell us what is true at the moment, but not everything that is true at the
moment is immutable. Situations can change and God is ultimately in control of
the outcome of every situation.
God reminded me this week that we
are called to live not by their feelings or even by facts but rather by faith.
The writer of Hebrews tells us that faith is the evidence or proof of facts and
realities that we are unable to see or touch in the here and now.
Walking in faith does not mean
that we ignore reality or dodge responsibility. Living by faith means trusting
God to work out the details of what we do see, and remembering that feelings
lie and facts change, but our heavenly Father can be trusted even with the most
exasperating of circumstances.
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