Grace and the Law- What They are Not

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age~ Titus 2:11-12

I am not, nor have I ever been, much of a rule-maker. In fact the opposite is true. My husband and I had very few hard and fast rules for our children while they were growing up. None of them ever had a curfew. The few rules we did make for our kids all tended to center around safety, relationships, and how we treated one another.

 My aversion to an overabundance of rules has boiled over into other areas of my life as well. One of my favorite personal axioms is:

“Rules are for people who don’t know how to do things right”.

 My distaste for man-made rules has been born out of a deeply held conviction that laws are for law-breakers (1^st Timothy 1:9-11) and the belief that people would need no laws if they would simply use good judgment and do what God wanted them to do (Galatians 5:18). I have never been charged with being a legalist.

All that being said, if I have to listen to one more Christian who is skirting the edges of good sense or worse yet, openly sinning proclaim stridently one of the following phrases:  “I am under grace not law!” “You can’t judge me,” or “Just because something is wrong for you does not mean it’s wrong for everyone,” I will need to be medicated.

It is my conviction that these increasingly common assertions are born out of confusion over two concepts: God’s moral law and grace. Too many of us mistakenly suppose that God’s law and grace are things that they clearly are not.

God’s moral law is not…

Extinct- Matthew 5:17, Galatians 5:18-20, Colossians 3:5

There are three types of law in the Old Testament, ceremonial, civil and moral.  As the ultimate High Priest Jesus satisfied every aspect of the ceremonial law, it is now fulfilled and is therefore irrelevant for Christians. Civil law was intended for the nation of Israel, and is not generally pertinent today. But that does not mean that Christians are not bound by moral standards found in the law. If a command or directive from the Old Testament law is repeated in the New Testament, it still applies. 

A club to beat people with- Ephesians 4:2, Galatians 6:1-3

One reason there is so much confusion over this issue is because too many people have paid too much attention to the actions of others for too long. It is biblical for one Christian to warn another when their actions are crossing clearly defined Scriptural lines (1^st Corinthians 4:14, James 5:20). That being said, we have to remember that we are to judge our own behavior in light of God’s moral law, less so other people’s behavior. What others do or don’t do is really none of our concern once they’ve been lovingly warned (Ezekiel 3:21).  

  

An excuse to make more rules- 1^st John 5:3, Matthew 23:1-15

Too often well-intentioned Christians will put up fences around God-given commands and call those fences commands. A fence is a rule we put around a command to assist us in keeping the actual command. This is how we end up with man-made rules that look a bit like God-made rules. An example of this sort of thing would be sexual immorality. Christians are commanded to shun sexual immorality. Prohibitions against dating, hand-holding, movies, premarital kissing and dancing might help some people to avoid sexual sin but they are personal choices, not God-given commands and should not be treated as such.

Grace is a word that is nearly impossible to define. It is a mysterious and magnificent expression of God’s love for humanity.  At its core the word carries with it the notion of undeserved favor, but grace is so much more than just favor. Grace defines a God who, for no justifiable reason, chose to show love, kindness, and mercy towards undeserving and mostly ungrateful people.

The benefits of grace are incalculable. Grace pardons us from the penalty of sin (Ephesians 2:8-9). Grace allows frail, fallible men and women to do things and endure things they never dreamed possible. (2^nd Corinthians 12:9). Grace gives us peace beyond human understanding during times of stress or loss (Philippians 4:7). Grace enables humans to understand God on a deeper level (Ephesians 1:7-9). God’s grace empowers us to see people through God’s eyes and, if properly understood and applied, compels us to show mercy toward others. And according to Titus 2:11-12, grace brings with it the supernatural ability to live holy lives.

Because grace is freely given it can easily devolve into an excuse for self-indulgence and pleasure seeking (Jude 1:4), or an excuse to avoid the long, sometimes difficult process of becoming holy (1^st Peter 1:13-15).  When we allow these things to happen, our version of grace devolves into a cheap counterfeit of something truly beautiful.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you~ 1^st Thessalonians 5:28

Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure~ Hebrews 13:4

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math and those who are not. I fall squarely into the second category. My aversion to everything math-related could quite possibly be classified as some sort of neurosis or phobia. When faced with a complex math problem I can actually feel my brain overheating, seizing up and shutting down like an oil-deprived engine. I will do virtually anything short of sin to avoid any sort of math-related activity.

 The one exception to my firm no-math policy is statistics. It’s the only type of math I can tolerate, maybe because it’s easily applicable to real life. Last week I ran across a statistic that captured my interest. Researchers from the Gottman Institute learned that not only do forty percent of marriages end in divorce, but half of the couples that stay married report being unhappy in their relationship.  

 It was the gloomiest news I have heard in a very long time.  Half of all people that DO NOT divorce claim to be miserable in the most significant human relationship a person can have. It’s no wonder our society has so many issues with road rage and alcohol abuse.

The study went on to explain that there are two behaviors that appear to offer protection against both divorce and marital misery: kindness and generosity. Personal experience has proven the research to be true. Kindness and generosity are indeed vital to a healthy, happy marriage. No sensible person wants to be married to a malicious skinflint.

 As important as kindness and generosity are in a mate, they are not the only behaviors that contribute to a couple’s long-term happiness. Kindness and generosity are traits that grow out of other even more vital attitudes and behaviors. Kindness and generosity will never take root in a relationship that is lacking in other key areas, including:

Respect- 1^st Peter 2:17, Ephesians 5:33, 1^st Peter 3:7

Respect means to hold a person in high esteem. Respect is real when it’s shown by giving honor and by openly displaying admiration and appreciation for what your spouse does and who they are as a person. Respect is at the heart of all healthy adult relationships. No other positive behavior will flourish over the long haul in a marriage that is lacking in mutual respect. 

Loyalty- Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 19:9

Loyalty is about more than just sexual fidelity. Loyalty is also about how we choose to speak about our spouse in front of other people and how we treat our spouse in both public and private. Loyalty is linked to our priorities concerning time, outside relationships and even how we spend money.

Cooperation- Ephesians 5:21

Sometimes it’s called teamwork or collaboration. The Bible calls it mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21). Whatever you call it, marriages fail when it’s missing. Cooperation is the unwavering commitment to work together on things and pull in the same direction. Cooperation comes down to our willingness to give up a little bit of what we want, or think we need, for the good of the other person and the health of the relationship.

Forgiveness- Mark 11:25, Ephesians 4:32

One fact you can count on in this world is that people, even the best people, will inevitably disappoint and fail you. But it’s okay because you will undoubtedly end up disappointing and failing other people. At one time or another we are all disappointing failures. The key to making a relationship work between two imperfect people is the daily commitment to forgive and let go.

Selflessness- Philippians 2:1-5, 1^st Peter 4:10, Romans 12:3

We live in a time and a place when self-centeredness has, for all intents and purposes been enshrined as a virtue.  We are constantly encouraged to “consider your own needs” and “focus on what makes you happy.” The Bible gives an entirely different set of messages, including:  “consider yourself with sober judgment,”  “do not think more highly of yourself than you ought,” and “serve rather than be served.” Nowhere do these messages matter more than in marriage.

One of the things I like about statistics is that, unlike other forms of math, they are not fixed. A statistic can be changed. The gloomy state of some marriages does not have to be permanent. I am convinced that any marriage can be a happy marriage. Respect, loyalty, cooperation, forgiveness, selflessness, kindness and generosity are the behaviors that define and comprise love. When these behaviors become standard operating procedure in a marriage, the people in that marriage cannot help but be happy.

 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins~ 1^st Peter 1:8-9 NIV

     

  

     

Keeping Sane in the "Wait and See"

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. You come to the help of those who gladly do right, who remember your ways~ Isaiah 64:4-5

I was an irritating child. I was that tiresome little kid who always wanted to know what was going to happen next. I was extremely curious about everything and never willing to wait.

Because God has a rather quirky sense of humor, I now have a child who is very much like me. She hates to wait for anything and frequently asks many of the same questions I recall asking my own parents. Ironically, I find myself answering her questions with the same wearisome line my parents gave me as a child:

You’ll just have to wait and see.

 To this day, there is little in this world I hate more than “wait and see”. However, a long, drawn-out period of waiting has taught me some hard truths. I’ve learned that no matter how much I might wish to, we can’t hurry God. Some things are going to take as long as they are going to take.

I am slowly learning through this process that the secret to keeping sane during a long period of “wait and see” is to keep busy and focused on living life. If you find yourself stuck in wait and see, I’m sorry. I really do know how you feel. Following are a few things you can do to be effective as you wait to discover what God has in store for you next.  

Don’t forget that some of God’s favorite people spent years waiting for the next thing

Moses spent forty years marking time in the desert. Joseph waited decades between the birth and the culmination of his dream. Even Jesus was told to sit tight for thirty years before beginning the ministry He was born to do. Waiting doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or that God has forgotten about you. It just means that God is busy working some things out in you and on your behalf before He launches you into your next project.      

Pray like crazy

Pray for wisdom, perseverance and vision as you wait. There are countless reasons God places us in a wait and see pattern. Sometimes it’s because He’s waiting for us to let go of our vision and catch hold of His. Other times He’s preparing our hearts for the next thing. Sometimes it’s because He’s working on someone who will come along aside us. Whatever the case may be, prayer gives us supernatural insight into our situation, the power to persevere and keeps us united in spirit with God as we wait.

Do what God puts in front of you to do

God never leaves us without a task. Sometimes we can get so caught up in waiting for something better that we fail to do what is right in front of us with excellence and passion. Even basic tasks like raising a family, caring for a spouse and working a secular job have meaning and deep spiritual significance if they are done well and with eternity in mind.

Bless someone  

Deciding to get busy and be intentional about blessing others is an almost magical act that takes our minds off our own misery and lack of forward motion. It also helps us to put our problems in proper perspective and opens the door for God to bless us.

Commit to grow

One of the worst things about waiting is the sense that you aren’t really doing anything significant. It may not feel this way, but you are doing something significant. You are preparing for the next thing God has for you. It’s the perfect time to commit to a deeper level of prayer and Bible study.     

Behave yourself

The discouragement and frustration that goes along with a prolonged period of waiting can lead to the temptation to find satisfaction in some other area of our lives.  When we find ourselves in a “wait and see” pattern, we must be intentional about avoiding situations that might lead to trouble and spiritual compromise.  

Being stuck in “wait and see” is tough. It doesn’t matter what we are waiting for—be it reconciliation with a loved one, a need to be met, direction, justice, a change in circumstances or a clean bill of health. None of it is easy.

For those of us who believe that God is good and is working on our behalf, a long period of “wait and see” can challenge those beliefs and cause us to doubt our own worth and value. If we buy into those lies, we might just miss out on all the blessings and joy that will go along with that next thing.    

Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord~ Psalm 27:14

Are There Benefits to Gossip?

There’s nothing so delicious as the taste of gossip! It melts in your mouth~ Proverbs 18:8 CEV

Like most Mothers with kids living at home, I have settled into a predictable morning routine. It goes like this: I wake up, stumble to the kitchen, pour a cup of coffee and fight to appear engaged while the youngest child chatters incessantly.

Following is more coffee, a lot more chatter, and a valiant effort on my part to ensure the lunches packed are at least marginally nourishing. I herd the kids out the door, savor the quiet, drink more coffee, read the Bible while eating breakfast, drink more coffee and do a quick workout while I catch up on what’s going on in the world.     

Yesterday, I finished the last of the coffee, climbed on the exercise bike and became so absorbed in working off my caffeine buzz that I was only somewhat tuned in to the news program. That is, until a chirpy anchorwoman declared in an insanely happy tone that a recent study has determined gossip is actually good for us.

WHAT?

I must confess that for one fleeting instant I was elated. For an inquisitive (nosy) person such as myself this story was without question the best news ever. I could cave to my baser instincts, listen to gossip and improve my health all at the same time. Just as I was preparing to call my best friend to tell her the good news I remembered something about the perils of buying into worldly wisdom so I decided to dig a little deeper. I found the related article and read it carefully. The author spoke glowingly of the benefits of gossip. According to the author, gossip will:

Tell you how to behave on your job  

Help you to understand and improve your social standing

Inform members of a group which behaviors are socially acceptable

Possibly lead to self-improvement

Reading about the alleged benefits of a behavior God calls a sin (Romans 1:29) made me wonder what exactly God would say if we could get His unfiltered opinion of that article. I bet it would be interesting. He wasn’t available for a quote, so I turned to the book of Proverbs instead. Proverbs cautions us on the more negative aspects of gossip, including:   

Nobody actually likes a gossip- Proverbs 17:28, Proverbs 20:19  

 Everyone enjoys listening to a juicy piece of gossip, but nobody wants to be a victim of the rumor mill. We all know intuitively that a gossip cannot be trusted. That’s why few gossips have many close friends. Smart people avoid a gossip like the plague once they realize anyone who will talk with you about another person will talk about you to other people.

Gossip is rarely completely true- Proverbs 26:20-22

 Gossip is notoriously unreliable because every gossiper is also an embellisher. It’s part of what makes gossip so insidious. The frame of the story may be true but the details are almost always made out to be more interesting and salacious than they really are.

Gossip is the number one cause of family disunity-Proverbs 6:19, Proverbs 16:28

At the root of every unhappy family is at least one person who repeats unkind words and circulates gossip. Sometimes this person is another family member; sometimes it’s a “friend” of the family who likes to stir the pot and keep everyone at odds with one another. Beware of any “friend” who wants to know too much of your family business. They don’t have your best interests at heart.

Gossip ruins the gossiper- Proverbs 13:3, Proverbs 16:28

There is something about spreading stories and sharing personal information that eventually twists a person and destroys their character. If a person gossips for long enough they will develop an insatiable appetite for more and more information to share with others. This happens because the sharing of information makes them feel powerful and important. If there is no actual information to share, they will enhance stories that are true and even lie in order to continue feeling important.

All supposed benefits aside, there are undoubtedly less destructive ways to learn about our social standing, understand the world around us, and improve our social standing and ourselves. Consuming gossip is like eating a deep-fried Twinkie: it feels good while we do it, but the effects are ugly. Passing along gossip is like sprinkling arsenic on chocolate cupcakes. It’s a pleasant way to destroy people.

 

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret~ Proverbs 11:13 NIV