Wisdom is better than foolishness, just as light is better
than darkness~ Ecclesiastes 2:13 NLT
I would be willing to bet good money that
no Mother in the long, sordid history of humankind has ever looked into the
sweet wrinkled face of her newborn son or daughter and whispered…
“I hope this child grows up to be a fool and
ruins their life.”
Yet the world is teeming with fools, and
many lives that once held promise lie in ruins.
The truth of this reality tells me that
wishing for positive outcomes for our kids is not enough. Nothing good ever
comes about on its own. Children must be taught to think biblically and make
wise decisions. If God has seen fit to make you a parent, He has called you to teach
your children to think and act wisely.
Even the best parents make mistakes
parenting kids. Fortunately, most parenting errors are not fatal. I have
learned from experience that fudging on a bedtime story by skipping the entire
middle of the book, not beginning the potty training process until a child is
well past three, or even leaving one of your kids at church after a Wednesday
night service will not lead to their
eventual ruin.
Unfortunately, there are a few blunders
that will almost certainly guarantee an unhappy ending for your kid if they are
not dealt with at some point. Last week I shared five mistakes common in the
early years that will likely set a child on the road to foolishness…
Allowing kids to be the
center of attention all the time
Believing your kids to be faultless
Tolerating disrespect and
rudeness
Making childhood too sweet
Failing to live in the here
and now
This week I want to focus on some mistakes
commonly made with older children. I define older children as those over the
age nine. The years between birth and nine are all about making rules, teaching
right from wrong and controlling behavior. By the time a child is ten parents
should be at the point where they feel comfortable beginning the process of slowly
and gradually shrinking parental control.
Mistakes made in the later years of
parenting can be far more dangerous than those made early on because there is
far less time to correct problems and the consequences of bad choices can be
far more tragic for older kids. Some of the most grievous mistakes include…
Becoming distracted
The later years of childhood abound with potential
snares. Drugs, sexual experimentation, alcohol, pornography, poor academic
performance and negative peer influences along with a million other pitfalls
can derail a child from God’s best for their life. Teens and pre-teens need
more—not less— supervision to keep them out of trouble and on track during
these critical years. The supervision must be carried out with wisdom and
sensitivity, but it must be carried out. Sadly, many parents become distracted
by their own interests and needs at a time when their kids desperately need
their involvement and coaching. Staying actively engaged is one key to keeping
kids wise as they approach the adult years.
Failing to teach verbal and emotional
self-discipline
Our culture places an inordinate level of
value on the expression of opinions and feelings. I am convinced that this
unhealthy preoccupation with self-expression has contributed to the soaring
divorce rate and general lack of civility in the world. There is nothing wrong
with speaking one’s mind as long as self-expression is balanced with
self-control and concern for others. Older children need to be taught two
truths as they hit the hormonal years. The first is that not every thought or
feeling is worthy of expression. It’s okay and even advantageous to keep some
feelings contained. Nothing bad has ever happened because somebody refrained
from cursing his or her boss or abstained from gossiping about a friend. The
second is that no one has the right to lash out or make others miserable simply
because they are having a bad day or struggling with a personal issue.
Overlooking questionable behavior
Most kids and teens play around the edges
of bad behavior before they commit to a course of it. Many parents ignore the
early signs of experimentation hoping that the problem will simply go away or
somehow resolve itself. Sadly, this sort of hoping seldom pans out; these types
of problems don’t generally resolve themselves. The key to keeping kids from
diving headfirst into harmful behaviors (sex, drugs, alcohol, pornography,
dishonesty, shoplifting, smoking, etc.) is to catch them early and confront the
behavior head-on with all kinds of unpleasant consequences before bad choices
become bad habits and sinful patterns of behavior.
Permitting kids to become spiritual
dropouts
Most kids will attempt to get out of church
or some aspect of church at some point in their teen years. I have heard at
least a thousand arguments against church attendance. Here is a sampling of some
of the common objections to Church attendance…
I already know more about
the Bible than the teacher does.
You taught me everything;
there’s nothing left for me to learn.
The kids at church are
_______________ (mean, cliquish, immature, not Christ-like etc.).
Church is
_____________________ (boring, irrelevant, stupid, full of hypocrites, etc.).
The youth Pastor
is__________________ (stupid, indifferent, lame, only interested in numbers
etc.).
I hate the _________________
(music, pastor, kids) and it’s mean to make me do something I hate.
I’m not sure I believe
in_____________ (God, Jesus, Church attendance etc.).
Even if any of the above statements are
demonstrably true, it’s still a mistake to let kids be in the driver’s seat
with this issue. You are the spiritual leader, and it is imperative you lead in
this area. Go to church yourself. Live out God’s truth with grace and do
whatever it takes, even if that means finding a new church to keep your kid
involved in church during these critical years.
Failing to explain the why of rules and
beliefs
Every kid needs to learn to think
critically and logically about life. Part of teaching them to think critically
is explaining the why of what you
believe and decree. Saying “because I’m the parent and I said so” may feel defensible,
but it won’t help your kid understand how the world works and may very well end
up nurturing a bitter root of apathy or rebellion.
Parenting is without question a tough and
often thankless job, particularly in the early years. It is also without question the most
important job anyone will ever do. Parenting—whether good, bad or indifferent—powerfully
affects the lives of individual children and the destiny of future generations.
Doing
it right happens when we pay attention to the details of their lives, save friendship
with our kids for later, explain the truth until they get it, model good
spiritual habits, instill self-control and discipline, and pray like
crazy.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper
time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up~ Galatians 6:9 NIV
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